I’M A BLOGGING SUCCESS…BE HAPPY FOR ME.

Just found out my blog is going to be made into a book.

I’m already getting gobs of advance money for the follow up novel.

Oprah will swoon over me. 

I’m positive I’ll be a NY Times best selling darling.

I will appear on the cover of a hot, smart magazine.

FOX will greenlight a sitcom based on my blog that will follow GLEE on Tuesday nights at 9PM (ET/PT).

I will be seen at parties with Tom Hanks and the guy that produces Tom Hank’s movies.

And yeah it’s all bullsh*t, but I can dream. Right? Happy Monday.

6 QUESTIONS FOR A BULL SPERM COLLECTOR.

So how does one go about getting a bull to ejaculate on command?

You use an artificial vagina. It’s filled with water (about 45°C) to simulate the feel of a cow’s actual vagina.

What do you wear to protect yourself from a love-crazed, wild, stomping bull?

I wear a helmet and gloves.

How much is bull semen worth?

It’s a tricky question since cattle breeders usually buy in bulk. I’d say a 70lb semen tank that contains the sperm of 40 to 50 bulls is worth around $50K to $75K.

How much can you make a year?

Depends. You usually start at around $17K. The more senior collectors make around $54K.

How long can a bull produce sperm?

Around 14 years.

What do you keep the sperm in?

Containers called Straws. You can use about 300 on just one bull. The place I work at sells about 10,000 to 15,000 Straws a month.

THE PROPER BULL SPERM COLLECTING METHOD WHEN A FEMALE IS INVOLVED.

6 QUESTIONS FOR BILL THE RODEO CLOWN.

His name is Bill Raystead, but most know him as Scootie – The Rodeo Clown. He’s been working the PBR (Professional Bull Riders) rodeo circuit for over 10 years. Here are 6 things you might not know about his profession.

What is the main purpose of a rodeo clown?

We do make people laugh, but our main purpose is to distract the bull from trampling a fallen rider.

How do those wood barrels save you from a 3000 lb. raging bull?

Actually, most barrels today are made of heavy gage steel, lined with industrial foam rubber. We call it the clown lounge. We might get bumped around, but they ain't getting their horns through that barrel.

Do they have Rodeo Clown Insurance?

Unfortunately, no. Would you insure us?

So how much you make per show?

Anywhere from $100 to $225 a gig. That price varies, depending on traveling expenses.

Are there any Rodeo Clown awards?

Coors sponsors the “Man in the Can” award every year. It’s a pretty big deal with us clowns.

Watch a rodeo clown in action…