CONGRATS! YOU'RE 41. GUESS WHERE THE DOCTOR'S FINGER GOES.

Had my annual physical yesterday. Yep. And to my surprise I was eligible for the doctor to get intimate with my prostate. Meaning, he um took his gelled up, rubber gloved finger and  stuck it where the sun don't shine...for 5 whole seconds. I realize you ladies get all kinds of vaginal pokes and prods and have to give birth. BUT SERIOUSLY, 5 WHOLE SECONDS?! To my surprise it didn't hurt that much. And truth be told, in the moment I had a semi-erotic vision about a shirtless Chuck Heston. That's normal, right?

ASK DR. FIST BUMP.

[originally answered on the now defunct dr.fistbumpbasics.com]

Question:

As a pre-school teacher it’s hard for me to take off for a sick day. Which is why during flu season I’m very cautious around people. So much so that I’ve taken to fist bumping instead of shaking hands (so I don’t catch their germs). Is this considered impolite?

Thanks,

Sheera233

Answer:

Hey Sheera233,

Recently I read that Steve Jobs has joined the ranks of celebs that fist bump fans. In Steve’s case, he’s worried about catching any sort of virus because it might cause complications with his recent liver transplant. I guess what I’m saying is your reasoning is justified. However, since you don’t have the news media explaining every action in your life, it’d be best to give the fist bumpee a heads up first.

Regards,

Dr. FB

If interested, please now send first bump questions to Dr. Fist Bump C/O jcohen7523@gmail.com

GUESS THE SKIN RASH.

I appear when you eat certain foods that don’t agree with you. I am a persistent rash that causes severe itchiness. Over time I develop into fluid filled sores that eventually crust over. On children you can usually find me on the scalp, or the back of the legs and arms. What am I?

Answer: Atopic Dermatitis

Solution: Atopic Dermatitis is usually an indication of a food allergy. Consult a doctor and try removing certain "allergy causing" foods from your diet, such as, eggs, fish, peanuts, seafood, or milk.

MEDIEVAL SCIENCE SAVES THE DAY: COMMON COLD CURE

Fall means cold season, at least to me. One day it’s cold. One day it’s hot. All days it does a real number on my body. For the last 2 weeks I’ve been coughing, sneezing, wheezing and stuff has been leaking out of every orifice. Sure I could take Tylenol or antibiotic, but what's the fun in that? I’d rather rely on the gentlemen doctors of yore. To eradicate those nagging cold germs they’d use leaves and stems of a boneset plant (also known as sweating weed, cross wort, fever wort, teasel, ague weed and Indian sage). You can still find it today near streams, marshes and swamps in eastern North America.

Cold Remedy Recipe (from the folks at eHow):

Steep 1 to 2 heaping tsp. of dried boneset in a cup of boiled water for 15 minutes. The tea will taste a little bitter, so add a couple of teaspoons of honey to it. Reheat if necessary, and drink it as hot as you can. Repeat up to once every hour, or two for cold relief.

GUESS THE SKIN RASH.

I start out as random raised red spots. Quickly I progress to bursting blisters and open sores. I usually begin in the scalp, then I work my way down to the arms and legs. I am attracted to sunburns, eczema and even diaper rash. I am extremely itchy. What am I?

Answer:

Varicella (aka the chickenpox rash).

Home remedies for uncontrollable itching:

Brown vinegar, baking soda with water and cold oatmeal are a big help.