SEXTING FOR BEGINNERS.

At least Tiger’s fem-fiasco wasn’t all in vein. Because of it a very useful phrase was pushed to the forefront of the all important American pop culture – SEXTING.

v: the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit – as defined by Urban Dictionary.

If you find yourself in a possible Sexting situation you might want to keep the following tips in mind. PLEASE NOTE: My advice is purely from a guy’s perspective. Ladies, you're on your own.

Ease into it: Start with some innocent flirty banter first before you get to the heavy stuff (similar to physical foreplay).

Know your partner: Sext about things you know will personally turn her on.

Let the moment build: If it’s starting to get hot ‘n’ heavy wait a bit before sexting right back, it’ll help add to her anticipation (absence makes the heart grow hotter).

Be impetuous: Heat up the e-moment by sexting about taking her right where she is (work, the library, whatever).

Don’t be obvious: Some women are kinda shy when it comes to dirty talk, so you might want to brush up on your sexual euphemisms.

NO IMAGES: Tempted as you might to snap a dirty pic of yourself, DON'T, unless you’re prepared to see it on Facebook, myspace, twitter, LinkedIN...

10 SEXUAL SEXTING ABBREVIATIONS:

TDTM – Talk dirty to me

TMIY – Take me I’m yours

FYEO – For your eyes only

BM – Bite me

4close – Foreplay close

DDG – Drop dead gorgeous

DFK – Deep French kissing

HB – Hot babe

Os – Orgasms

PS – Private Show

SEXTING EQUIPMENT:

A phone with good network power, a decent size screen and an easy-to-use keyboard are all you pretty much need. DON'T GIVE THE CAMERA A SECOND THOUGHT. If price is the only thing holding you back check out these unlocked models.

[Courtesy of Brandvertiser]

Nokia 5800 XpressMusic GSM Unlocked Cell Phone ($162)
3G Data Capable, Bluetooth Enabled, Calendar, Color Screen, Global Ready, GPS, Internet Browser, Java Enabled, MP3 Player, PDA-PC Sync, Radio, SMS-Text Messaging, Speakerphone, Touch Screen

Nokia E71 White Silver (Unlocked / $155)
Calendar, Internet Browser, PDA-PC Sync, SMS-Text Messaging, Radio, QWERTY Keyboard, Speakerphone, GPS, Bluetooth Enabled

Nokia N810 Internet Tablet ($152.50)
Web browsing, Web Chatting(Text/Audio/Video), MP3's, and watching Videos as well as many other uses such as with its built in GPS Receiver

I’LL BE THE FIRST TO SAY IT, THE WORLD NEEDS MORE ASSLESS CHAPS.

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

Specifically in the ol’ U.S. of A. I mean If we want to take this “worldwide leader” title seriously, it should be across the board. Not just with cars and math scores, but with assless chaps as well. Sad to say my web searching turned up some slim pickins for both guys and gals.

Power Trip Power Glide Chaps ($152.99 @ Revzilla)

1.2mm drum dyed leather

Satin finished lining

Metal main zipper

Two zippered pockets

Adjustable waistband

Rough cut hem

Hustler Leather Chaps ($224.97 @ Pierre Silber)

Features pink contrast stitching and "Hustler" embossing

FOOD SUBSTITUTES FOR VIAGRA.

Oh sure, you can walk right into your doctor’s office all embarrassed and fumble around with stupid words to maybe score a free teeny tiny sample of Viagra. OR you can head down to the local grocery store and pick up the following…

WATERMELON: This sweet summer staple is loaded with good stuff (lycopene, beta carotene and citrulline) to keep blood vessels healthy, which has been proven to be a good jump starter for libidos.

AVOCADOS: Chock full of vitamins (B, E and Zinc) to help with the metabolism of male hormones.

DARK CHOCOLATE: Full of Flavonoids that are proven to reduce clots to increase blood flow, which again does a total body good – especially the little member.

OFFICIALish MILE HIGH CLUB GEAR.

Refers to individuals having sex on board any type of aircraft while in flight. Supposedly lovemaking at this altitude intensifies the orgasm. Rumor has it the founding of this club occurred when Lawrence Sperry (pilot) had sex with socialite Mrs. Waldo Polk on a flight near New York way back in 1916. No word if Mr. Polk ever found out.

YOU DID THE DEED, DO YOU HAVE THE GEAR?

Official Mile High Club t-shirt made of 100% cotton. Available in white for $24.95 at the Mile High Club store.

Custom made gold Mile High Club cufflinks (1 1/4^th x 3/8 inch) for only $16.99 on ebay.

MILE HIGH CLUB cap Embroidered Hats. Designed with a chino twill cap and pre-curved bill. Available at Zazzle in a variety of colors for $21.95.

IN 2009 WHAT DOESN’T REDUCE YOUR SPERM COUNT?

Seems like every day I read or hear about another supposed sperm reducer. Of course there are causes that are 100% true like disease, substance abuse, smoking and obesity. And then there are these other de-fertile factors that can be either classified as fact or fiction, depending on the sites you read.

Sperm Killers or Myths?

• Cell-phones
• Hot tubs
• Bikini briefs
• Asparagus
• Soy
• Lubricants
• Vigorous Exercise
• Household cleansers
• Plastics
• Garlic
• Bicycle seats
• Caffeine
• Excessive Masturbation
• Laptops near the lap
• Hernias
• Dairy products

BLEND UP A FROG FOR SEXUAL HEALTH.

Leave it to those wacky Peruvian scientists to come up with such an obvious cure for low sex drive – FROG JUICE. Actually, Kermit’s liquefied innards do that and much, much more. Supposedly it’s a cure-all for…

• Asthma
  
• Bronchitis
  
• Sluggishness
  
• And yes, low sex drive.
  

You can find this “Peruvian Viagra” at any of the local Lima restaurants. One frog smoothie will cost you about 90¢. Doesn’t include toppings.

Not for the squeamish...

TOP 8 EDIBLE THINGS YOU’D NEVER GUESS WOULD MAKE YOU HORNY.

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

Culinary aphrodisiacs have existed since the dawn of time. By now we’ve all heard the obvious ones: oysters in a half shell and chocolate dipped anything. Thanks to the folks at gormetslueth, here are 8 not so obvious "edible aphrodisiac" options.

Mustard: The proven way to uber-spice up the sexual glands.

Truffles (rich people mushrooms): Scientists say that one whiff of this musky mushroom will cause the skin to be all tingly – ready for titillating touching or heavy petting.

Pineapple: High in vitamin C (the horny vitamin).

Fennel (herb): Rich in natural plant estrogens, good jump start for the female persuasion.

Ginger: Cook with this raw root to charge up the circulatory system (especially in the private regions).

Licorice: Filled with the essence of Glycyrrhiza Glabra. Get your gal pal to chew on this root and she'll have a lustful libido in no time.

Nutmeg: Sorta like the food version of peyote, except instead of getting in touch with the spirit world you get hot N heavy hallucinations.

Carrots: It doesn’t just look phallus it stimulates the organ with rich levels of Beta-Carotene. 

SEXUAL CHOCOLATE.

For years medical research has been touting dark chocolate’s healthy benefits. It’s chock full of all kinds of vitamins and minerals, has tons of antioxidants and is great for heart health. Now you can also add sexual booster to the list, thanks to UK chef (and Zen master) Paul Da-Costa Greaves. He said his customers served as his source of inspiration. Patrons would ask him if there was a type of chocolate that could aid in digestion, boost energy, metabolism and even jump start sexual urges. It was a tall (somewhat odd) order, but Paul was up to the challenge, and soon started Feed Your Imagination. From there, his brand of Therapeutic Chocolate was born. Paul starts by hand-blending the finest of Belgin chocolates. Then adds a potpourri of what he likes to call “super healthy” ingredients, essential oils and Ayurveda herbs. This magical mixture creates chocolate with the power to uplift, relax, sooth and of course – sex up. There are 10 mood enhancing bars to choose from – Dreamy, Beautiful, Fantastic, Lovely, Sensual, Fruity, Gorgeous, Mistress, Seductive and Sexy. Each bar costs around €5.86 ($9) for 100g. So far Sexy has proven to be the top seller. For that bar (aside from his regular blend of beneficial ingredients), Paul adds the kick of chili. An ingredient that has been known to kick start libidos for both guys and gals.

Check out Paul creating sweet sexual bliss.

* – NOTE: Sexual Chocolate was also the name of Eddie Murphy’s band in Coming to America (1988).