What’s probably throwing you off is prostate. There is nothing truly hot about it. In fact, it’s right up there with my personal, top 3 unsexy words:
SO HOW DO YOU TICKLE YOUR PROSTATE?
Apparently the long curvy part is the thing you shove up the male rectum. Eventually you’ll run into the prostate (see diagram below). Once that occurs you simply activate the vibrating feature and let the fun begin.
by Nameless Dad (NWM Staff Writer)
Times are tight. No getting around it. In my household, we are always looking to save where we can like on food, household supplies, and of course sexual role-playing. I know some couples can get by with a few index cards of key dialogue and a pair of thong underwear (for both parties). Me, I’m a visual guy. If we’re about to go for a role-playing romp, me and the mrs. need to dress the parts. Unfortunately these carnal costumes usually go for a pretty penny in the stores. Plus, I’m not brave enough to venture up to the register with two dirty cop outfits in hand. Thankfully there’s the world-wide-web. Here are just some of the lady outfits I found at DISCREETNOVELTY.COM FOR UNDER $50.
TEACHER'S PET ($44.31)
4 Pc includes dress with side and front lacing, ruffle-back panty, necktie, and knee highs.
LOLLA THE LAWYER ($24.51)
4 Pc includes zipper-front dress with cutaway front, belt, necktie with name tag, and boyshort.
PIRATE WENCH ($49.26)
3 Pc includes zipper-back sleeveless dress, velvet bolero with skull appliqu, and eye patch.
ROWDY REF ($24.20)
Rowdy Ref Outfit has Striped Knit Dress with Adjustable Lace-up Sides and Matching Thong. Includes Baseball Cap and Whistle.
At least Tiger’s fem-fiasco wasn’t all in vein. Because of it a very useful phrase was pushed to the forefront of the all important American pop culture – SEXTING.
v: the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit – as defined by Urban Dictionary.
If you find yourself in a possible Sexting situation you might want to keep the following tips in mind. PLEASE NOTE: My advice is purely from a guy’s perspective. Ladies, you're on your own.
Ease into it: Start with some innocent flirty banter first before you get to the heavy stuff (similar to physical foreplay).
Know your partner: Sext about things you know will personally turn her on.
Let the moment build: If it’s starting to get hot ‘n’ heavy wait a bit before sexting right back, it’ll help add to her anticipation (absence makes the heart grow hotter).
Be impetuous: Heat up the e-moment by sexting about taking her right where she is (work, the library, whatever).
Don’t be obvious: Some women are kinda shy when it comes to dirty talk, so you might want to brush up on your sexual euphemisms.
NO IMAGES: Tempted as you might to snap a dirty pic of yourself, DON'T, unless you’re prepared to see it on Facebook, myspace, twitter, LinkedIN...
10 SEXUAL SEXTING ABBREVIATIONS:
TDTM – Talk dirty to me
TMIY – Take me I’m yours
FYEO – For your eyes only
BM – Bite me
4close – Foreplay close
DDG – Drop dead gorgeous
DFK – Deep French kissing
HB – Hot babe
Os – Orgasms
PS – Private Show
SEXTING EQUIPMENT:
A phone with good network power, a decent size screen and an easy-to-use keyboard are all you pretty much need. DON'T GIVE THE CAMERA A SECOND THOUGHT. If price is the only thing holding you back check out these unlocked models.
Nokia E71 White Silver (Unlocked / $155)
Calendar, Internet Browser, PDA-PC Sync, SMS-Text Messaging, Radio, QWERTY Keyboard, Speakerphone, GPS, Bluetooth Enabled
Nokia N810 Internet Tablet ($152.50)
Web browsing, Web Chatting(Text/Audio/Video), MP3's, and watching Videos as well as many other uses such as with its built in GPS Receiver
Doesn’t matter what flavor you try, most edible panties have basically the same nutrition values (see below). The USDA suggests that with a low caloric diet (high in fiber) and regular exercise you can enjoy one ladies pair per night.
by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)
Specifically in the ol’ U.S. of A. I mean If we want to take this “worldwide leader” title seriously, it should be across the board. Not just with cars and math scores, but with assless chaps as well. Sad to say my web searching turned up some slim pickins for both guys and gals.
Can’t give away this individual’s identity so lets just call him Thor (The God of Thunder) for now. I guess it’s going on 18 years ago when Thor (after 5.6 Zimas) admitted to such a lewd act. Though he did preface it by saying that this was shown to him by countless others in his social circle. Anyway, if you still have the stones or morbid curiosity to continue on, here are his 10 easy steps to MAKING LOVE TO A CANTALOUPE. Again, I AM IN NO WAY ENDORSING THIS TYPE OF PRODUCE PLEASURE, just simply recalling an amusing tale.
Step 1. Choose a healthy looking cantaloupe or honeydew melon.
Step 2. On one side cut a hole big enough for your penis to comfortably enter the melon.
Step 3. On the other side make a small hole as big as an eraser, and make sure it reaches all the way to the vagina side.
Step 4. Heat the melon, but not for too long (try intervals of 15 seconds before you achieve the right temperature.) MAKE SURE IT'S NOT SCALDING HOT!
Step 5. On the vagina side, squirt in some baby oil or other form of preferred lubrication.
Step 6. Firmly grab melon and lower to crotch level.
Step 7. Insert penis.
Step 8. While pulling out penis place finger on hole on the other side (this should create a type of suction that will add more pleasure to the experience...I guess.)
Step 9. Discard cantaloupe.
Step 10. Never tell another living soul.
by Biz-Boy (NWM Staff Writer)
Looking for the gift that keeps on giving for someone who has everything…that's also a sexual deviant? Check out these Adult Gift of the Month Clubs.
PLAYFUL PANTY OF THE MONTH CLUB ($19.95 monthly fee): Intimate styles include: chiffon, ruffled, sheer and crotchless.
CONDOM OF THE MONTH ($14 monthly fee): Each month you'll receive 12 premium condoms. Varied in style, feel and flavor.
EXOTIC TOUCH LINGERIE OF THE MONTH CLUB ($50 monthly fee): Get ready to be surprised with the sensual outfit (of their choice) in the badydoll, teddy or camisole genre.
by Nameless Dad (NWM Staff Writer)
First off, let me just say that I love my wife and two daughters. I also REALLY love to masturbate. It’s been a fun hobby that has served me well since I was around 13. As I got older my priorities in life changed, but never my need for beating the snake. Unfortunately as of late, one seems to cut into the other a bit more than I’d like. Now I have work and house stuff to do. I have kids that need to be dropped off at school and all their other extracurricular activities. Plus I’ve got play-dates, birthday parties at little kid gyms…let’s just say I have a full plate. Still, I am determined. Which means I WILL always find a way to fit in at least two tugs a day. No matter what. Here are my usual "tickle the pickle" times.
MORNING SHOWER (7:34am): At this time of day my wife is fixing breakfast for the kids. So they are all pretty much occupado. I can usually get about 15 minutes of pure alone time.
Positives: Lots of lubricant and the ability to clean off quickly.
Negatives: No access to spank materials.
LATE NIGHT IN THE BASEMENT (10:32PM): Kids and the wife are asleep so I have about 3 plus hours at my disposal.
Positives: High-speed desktop computer with a 20” LCD monitor.
Negatives: Thin walls so I need to use headphones for video files. Door to basement doesn’t lock.
***WEEKEND AFTERNOON BONUS****
LAPTOP IN DEN (2:23PM): At this time I have almost 2 hours and change. The wife is picking up the girls at soccer, then grabbing something for dinner.
Positives: Have access to the laptop and DVD player (for secret porn stash) – whatever strikes my fancy.
Negative: Can’t guarantee the kids and wife won’t come home early and catch daddy in the act.
Fun Boxers Financial News Boxer Shorts for Men ($6.99) AMAZON
What attracts the ladies? Suggestive iconic, power imagery.
How it helps package? Gray tones create illusion of increased shadow length and girth.
Rock Band Men's Tattooed Skull Print Boxer Shorts ($9.99) KMART
What attracts the ladies? Exudes bad boy-ness.
How it helps package? Strategically placed skulls.
Leave it to those wacky Peruvian scientists to come up with such an obvious cure for low sex drive – FROG JUICE. Actually, Kermit’s liquefied innards do that and much, much more. Supposedly it’s a cure-all for…
You can find this “Peruvian Viagra” at any of the local Lima restaurants. One frog smoothie will cost you about 90¢. Doesn’t include toppings.
Not for the squeamish...
Fetish:EMETOPHILIA
by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)
Culinary aphrodisiacs have existed since the dawn of time. By now we’ve all heard the obvious ones: oysters in a half shell and chocolate dipped anything. Thanks to the folks at gormetslueth, here are 8 not so obvious "edible aphrodisiac" options.
Mustard: The proven way to uber-spice up the sexual glands.
Truffles (rich people mushrooms): Scientists say that one whiff of this musky mushroom will cause the skin to be all tingly – ready for titillating touching or heavy petting.
Pineapple: High in vitamin C (the horny vitamin).
Fennel (herb): Rich in natural plant estrogens, good jump start for the female persuasion.
Ginger: Cook with this raw root to charge up the circulatory system (especially in the private regions).
Licorice: Filled with the essence of Glycyrrhiza Glabra. Get your gal pal to chew on this root and she'll have a lustful libido in no time.
Nutmeg: Sorta like the food version of peyote, except instead of getting in touch with the spirit world you get hot N heavy hallucinations.
Carrots: It doesn’t just look phallus it stimulates the organ with rich levels of Beta-Carotene.
I have the most beautiful right leg on the planet. I know this ‘cause every time I walk into a home with a dog [BAM], hump city. Big dogs. Small dogs. Guy. Girl. Neutered or not. Doesn’t matter. To them, my leg is like a spry Tom Selleck (during the Magnum days, not Jesse Stone). Way better than any Jennifer Convertible leg, I think. Now thanks to Marco Giroto, looks like I’m about to get some stiff competition with his Doggie Lover doll. This anatomically correct creature is made of soft rubber and silicone. Comes complete with water based lubricant (let your imagination finish that sentence). The Doggie Doll's slick surface also makes it a cinch to clean. Mr. Giroto said the concept came to him out of necessity.
“I had the idea to make this doll when my Maltese started to grab everybody’s legs. I did some research and couldn’t find anything like it, anywhere in the world. I decided to make it,” reveals Marco.
So far testing has gone extremely well. All of the dogs seemed to experience sexual enjoyment without anxiety. Not sure how they survey that. Marco is confident that if the small size is a selling success, Dobermans should be able to order their puppy partners by early 2010.
Click here to order your hump helper.
