Seems like fist-pumpers may not be fans of President Obama. In order to fund his healthcare reform initiative, the president is proposing a tax be imposed on the tanning industry. The administration claims that this 10% tax could raise as much as 2.7 billion dollars over the next 10 years. The tanning industry is outraged. They claim an imposed fee like this would bankrupt most of their small businesses. The Situation is still up in the air.
Whether you knock back a few (or 12) or partake in some other form of puffery, no judgments. Either way you'll need something to cure the oncoming sh*t feeling the next day.
Originally, I was lead to believe (by some know-it-all at a kegger) that the best way to prevent a hangover is to scarf down foods containing complex carbs. He said it helps absorb the alcohol. Apparently Doogie was a bit off. The folks at WebMD say that complex carbs really help by speeding up the metabolism of all the beer and shots (of Jäger) in your body. The article also goes on to suggest some boring CCs to ingest (bran cereal, whole wheat bread sandwich, multigrain crackers, etc.)
True there’s nothing wrong with those sensible choices. I just feel it kills one of the biggest reasons you decided to pollute your body in the first place. The way I see it, it’s similar to breathing. You don’t breath half the time. It’s something you’re 100% committed to. Same thing goes for a night of binge drinking. If you’re in, you’re in for the long haul (including the crap food feast at 2:22am.) Here are some of the nutritious and delicious delicacies you'll find in my belly after a night of beer binging.
NATHAN’S MINI BAGEL DOGS
Good Source of Complex Carbs: bagel
Serving Tip: Add some shredded cheese and toss it in the microwave for 30-42sec.
T.G.I FRIDAY’S: LOADED! CHEDDAR & BACON POTATO SKINS
Good Source of Complex Carbs: potato
Serving Tip: 8-12 dollops of sour cream on the plate should do the trick.
by JC (NWM Staff Writer)
It’s totally true. And I’m blowing the lid on it. If you ever go to a restaurant with a large party, it stands to reason you’re all going to order different dishes. One person will get the Baked Ziti, another will have the fish, and an adventurous soul might try the Paella. Of course since everything has a different prep time most likely one person will be the odd man out. He or she will be served 5 minutes after everyone else.
Now the etiquette rule clearly states THOU SHALL NOT START YOUR DISH BEFORE EVERYONE IS SERVED. You can pick at your fries. That doesn’t count. Anyhow, if the person (without the dish) is of the Jewish persuasion, here’s how it will go down. In a clear (bordering on loud voice) these exact "guilt-laced" words will be uttered...
“Please eat! Seriously! Your food is getting cold! I’m totally fine! EAT!”
Usually it will be followed by "pleading-like" hand gestures. The reason? It's the simple fact that Jews get turned on by guilt. It’s like we're all stuck with this bubbie (Yiddush grandma) chromosome. We just can’t help ourselves. I know I’ve done it a bunch of times and I’ve loved every minute of it. Something about other people enjoying their food while I'm waiting for my dish gets me off.
Jews are the true martyrs of mealtime. So now you know.
I’m sure most women can trade embarrassing, horror T-pon stories. Truth be told, I have no right to even grace this topic except in this one positive case – tampon crafts. Specifically TAMPONCRAFTS.COM, an amazing site devoted to exploring the limits of crafting with this feminine flow stopper. TAMPONCRAFTS.COM staff artists provide easy step by step instructions (with photos) to help you make everything from jewelry to holiday decorations to even an iTampon. FYI…all the red color used in the art (like the HEART EARRINGS pictured above) comes from red food coloring (not the O positive stuff).
Click on the craft name for instructions.
TAMPON SHOOTER: Just in case they need a little reminding not to mess with you when it’s that time of the month. REALLY WORKS!!!
For those of the fairer sex that think this is a type sport, you’re half right. True, there are balls involved. And yes, there is some sort of goal. However, by balls I mean male testicles. And by goal, I mean shoving both hands in each pants pocket to adjust one's testicles into a comfortable position.
THE QUINTESSENTIAL POCKET PING PONG PANTS.
Most guys will swear by suit or khaki pants. Personally, I think they’re way off. I base this on one simple problem. The loose fitting material will reveal even the slightest “pocket exploration” movements. Jeans don’t show anything, but they are a bit too tight and snuggly. Your best bet is to go with a true hybrid …
At this point millions of college kids are preparing for their spring jaunt to the land of sunshine. For the most part, expect to be pounding a massive amount of brews on the beach or in a tiny econo-hotel room (occupied by 18 guys and 2 girls). However, there will be those moments when the party seeps into areas with old people (age 30+). 3 such venues would be…
Golf course
Souvenir / T-shirt shop
Cab to bar
Not the best situations for smuggling beers. Yes, the best situation for sneaking in the hard stuff. That is if you have one of these bitchin’ flasks…
Those e-rascals got me good this morning. First off the email address said “mailer-daemon” which is tech talk for your e-message got bounced back. What I failed to notice was that’s actually the name someone chose for their email – mailer-daemon@shrek.my-hosting-panel .com.
But that’s not all. The other way they punked me was in the subject line. It started off with the word “Undeliverable”. So again, I thought it was further proof that I sent an email that got mysteriously rejected. Of course once I clicked on it BAM!!! I was informed about a special new pill that can grow my penis an extra 10 feet. You’ve been warned!!!
See one of the hot ‘n crusty Spam samples below.
Oh, and if you haven’t gotten enough SPAM today check out ENTER THE MAN-CAVE’S BLOG.
