CLASSIC HEMP RECIPE FOR THANKSGIVING

PUMPKIN HEMP PIE

Give thanks that it’s totally legal.

Ingredients:

• 1 (9 inch) unbaked deep dish pie crust
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups fresh pumpkin puree
• ¼ cup Living Harvest Hempmilk (Tempt)
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 tablespoon Hemp flour
• 1 teaspoon
• ¼ teaspoon salt
• ¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
• ¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
• ¼ teaspoon ground ginger

Directions:

1. Prepare and roll pastry for single-crust pie.
2. Line a 9" pie plate with pastry.
3. Trim; crimp edge as desired.
4. In a large bowl stir together eggs, pumpkin, and half-and-half.
5. Stir in sugar, flour, vanilla, salt cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice.
6. Pour pumpkin mixture into pastry-lined pie plate.
7. To prevent over browning, cover edge of pie with foil.
8. Bake in 375 F oven for 25 minutes.
9. Remove foil.
10. 
Bake for 40 minutes more or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean.
11. 
Cool on a wire rack.
12. Cover and refrigerate within 2 hours.

HOW TO MAKE FAKE SNOT

No more compulsively hoarding used tissues. This process makes it way easier to whip up a generous supply of snot. All you need is a Grade 11 knowledge of chemistry and a few household items.

SNOT Ingredients:

• Borax Solution
• Elmer’s glue
  
• Green & yellow food coloring
  
• Water

SNOT Recipe:

1. In a bowl, mix in 1/8 cup of borax to 5 ml of warm water
2. Next stir in 2 spoonfuls of glue.
3. Finally add a couple of drops of the green and yellow food coloring.

Within minutes you will have a squishy, snot-like mixture.

BONUS: Make Glowing Snot!!!

COPYBOY IN THE KITCHEN (an ongoing series depending on the ratings)

When I was between jobs this was my recipe for a fabulous 4 dollar / 4minute fettuccine Alfredo.

Ingredients:

- 2 packs of Ramen Noodles (50¢)

- Country Crock Margarine ($1.50)

- Kraft Macaroni & Cheese ($2.00)

Directions:

Open Ramen noodle packs and add to bowl with water.

Discard soup mix packets.

Microwave Ramen noodles for 3 min and 15 seconds.

Drain.

Add back to big bowl.

Dump in margarine.

Add just the powdered cheese (without noodles).

Mix well.

Total time in the kitchen: 3 minutes on the dot

Goes great with a cool refreshing Fresca®

COOKING WITH SPERM?

No I am not pulling your leg or yanking your you know what. The book is called NATURAL HARVEST: A COLLECTION OF SEMEN-BASED RECIPES.

 Author Paul (Fotie) Photenhauer insists that, "Semen is not only nutritious, but has a palatable texture and wonderful cooking properties." So what can you make with the pearly white stuff? Apparently lots of gooey goodies like Creamy C*m Crepes, Man Made Oysters, Almost White Russian, and Tuna Sashimi complete with dipping sauce. Oh and for all you health nuts (sorry) out there, semen is actually better than cooking with the other white meat. It contains only 5 -7 calories, plus a slew of good stuff like vitamin C, Protein, and Zinc.

So if you can get past your gag reflex, give NATURAL HARVEST: A COLLECTION OF SEMEN-BASED RECIPES a try and a buy. It’s only $24.95 @ lulu.com.  Seacrest out!


**UPDATE** Witness a birthday celebration made even better thanks to the sperm cookbook and THE NON-REVIEW blog.

FOR JEWS WITH A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR: CHANUKAH “BLASPHEMY” POTATO PANCAKE RECIPE.

by One Hungry Jew (NWM Staff Writer)

Jews and humor go hand in hand, ‘cept when it comes to traditional holiday cooking. Everything MUST be roasted and Kosher or else there's hell to pay from Bubby. Though, if you’re in the lesser "non-bearded, uber-Jew" category, here’s my suggestion on how to add a smidge of humor to your festival of lights.

“BLASPHEMY” LATKES

Ingredients:

• 1 pound of potatoes
  
• 1/2 cup finely chopped onion
  
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten
  
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
  
• 1/2 to 3/4 cup olive oil
  
• 4 links of Hillshire Farms Hot & Spicy smoked sausage (the sin ingredient)
  

Directions:

Preheat oven to 250°F. Peel potatoes and coarsely grate by hand, transferring to a large bowl of cold water as grated. Soak potatoes 1 to 2 minutes after last batch is added to water, then drain well in a colander. Spread grated potatoes and onion on a kitchen towel and roll up jelly-roll style. Twist towel tightly to wring out as much liquid as possible. Transfer potato mixture to a bowl and stir in egg and salt. Then dice up the sausage links and add the pieces to the mixture. Heat 1/4 cup oil in a 12-inch nonstick skillet over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking. Working in batches of 4 latkes, spoon 2 tablespoons sausage / potato mixture (per latke) into skillet, spreading into 3-inch rounds with a fork. Reduce heat to moderate and cook until undersides are browned, about 5 minutes. Turn latkes over and cook until undersides are browned, about 5 minutes more. Transfer to paper towels to drain and season with salt. Add more oil to skillet as needed. Keep latkes warm on a wire rack set in a shallow baking pan in oven.

THE HEMP-TASTIC TURKEY LEFTOVER RECIPE.

A Thanksgiving leftover, Hemp-laced recipe they’ll not only love, it's also totally legal in all 50 states as well as Puerto Rico.

[courtesy of allrecipes.com]

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 recipe pastry for a (10 inch) double crust pie
• 4 tablespoons butter, divided
• 1 small onion, minced
• 2 stalks celery, chopped
• 2 carrots, diced
• 3 tablespoons dried parsley
• 1 teaspoon dried oregano
• 2 pinches of salt and pepper
• 2 cubes chicken bouillon
• 2 cups water
• 3 potatoes, peeled and cubed
• 1 1/2 cups cubed cooked turkey
• 3 tablespoons 3 cups of HEMP flour
• 1/2 cup Living Harvest Hempmilk (Tempt)

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Roll out bottom piecrust, press into a 10 inch pie pan and set aside Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a large skillet over medium heat; add the onion, celery, carrots, parsley, oregano, and salt and pepper. Cook and stir until the vegetables are soft. Stir in the bouillon and water. Bring mixture to a boil. Stir in the potatoes, and cook until tender but still firm. In a medium saucepan, melt the remaining 2 tablespoons butter. Stir in the turkey and flour. Add the milk, and heat through. Stir the turkey mixture into the vegetable mixture, and cook until thickened. Cool slightly, then pour mixture into the unbaked pie shell. Roll out the top crust, and place on top of filling. Flute edges, and make 4 slits in the top crust to let out steam. Bake in the preheated oven for 15 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C), and continue baking for 20 minutes, or until crust is golden brown.

TRAPPED IN THE WILDERNESS RECIPE.

This is assuming that you originally planned to go camping and brought some ingredients. Then once you arrived at the campsite something went horrifically wrong. Now you’re stranded in the wilderness with dwindling supplies.

MOUNTAIN MAN BITES

Ingredients:

• Squirrel (or Squirrels)
  
• Salt
  
• Pepper
  
• Beer
  
• Whatever other seasonings you have available.
  

Directions:

Skin squirrels and cut into chunks. Add salt, pepper (and any other seasonings), then place in large bowl. Stir in beer ‘til meat soaks up most of liquid. Place chunks in skillet and cook over an open flame. Bon appétit!

EASY COOKING TONIGHT: BBQ SPAM SANDWICHES

Create a healthy-ish feast for the entire family in 12 minutes.

[Courtesy of Spam.net]

Ingredients:

• 1 (12 ounce) can of SPAM®
  
• 1 1/2 cups BBQ sauce
  
• 1 cup prepared coleslaw
  
• 1 loaf French bread, cut into 4 pieces, split and toasted

Directions (makes 4 sandwiches):

Slice the SPAM lunchmeat into thin slices. Next add SPAM slices and barbeque sauce in a large skillet. Simmer over medium heat for about 5 minutes. Spoon SPAM BBQ saucy mixture onto the bottom halves of the toasted bread. Top with coleslaw, and then the other half of bread.  Enjoy! 

BAKING WITH BEER.

BEER COOKIES (courtesy of allrecipes.com)

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 1/4 cups room temperature beer
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts

DIRECTIONS

1. Cream together the butter or margarine and the brown sugar. Cut in flour, baking soda and spice. Blend in beer slowly to form a soft dough.
2. Drop by teaspoonfuls and top with a walnut piece.
3. Bake 12-15 minutes at a 350 degree F (175 degrees C) oven until lightly brown. Cool one minute on cookie sheet and remove to wire rack.

NUTRITION INFO.

(1 cookie)

total fat = 2.6 g

cholesterol = 7mg

total carbs 8.7g