MY FAVORITE, FAVORITE DOG HUMPING TOYS for under $20

I don’t know about you guys, but every time I see a dog make love to a couch leg it brings a smile to my face. I can only imagine the expression your child will have when they rush to their presents Christmas morning and unwrap a cuddly canine in the “let’s get it on” position. And with a little help from your favorite NY, Jewish, Christmas elf I can make that a reality for under 20 bucks.

#1: SQUIRT THE HUMPING BULLDOG

Just attach Squirt to any leg, then squeeze his foot, and you’re off on a humping adventure. Costs only $15.99 @ 1ofakindstuff.com

#2: HUMPING USB DOG

Plug him into your USB port on your computer and he won’t stop trying to plug your computer. Only $9.99 @ Thinkgeek.com

#3: HUMPING DOG TODDLER T-SHIRT

Now your baby doesn’t have to miss out on all the dog humping happiness with this toddler tee. Made of 100% cotton. Only $14.99 @ Cafepress.com

FREAKY CRAP IN JARS THAT MAKE PERFECT GIFTS

If anyone cares, the jar (with a screw-on lid) was invented by John Landis way back in 1858. 

If anyone further cares I bought a House of Blues mason jar when I was in Chicago.

It's now gathering dust. In the jar’s defense it didn’t contain anything to add to its presentation. The following jars won’t have that issue. In fact, I'll take it one step further and guarantee that ANYONE on your holiday list will absolutely cherish these jar gems for years to come.

ALIEN SPECIMEN IN JAR ($33.99 @ ebay)

- 5 ½” tall

- Never been opened

HEAD IN A JAR ($16.99 @ Totallycostumes.com)

- Accurate detailing

- Plastic non-slip lid

PURPLE BRAIN IN JAR ($32.00 s @ etsy.com)

- Made of wool fleece

- Jar has round design

HORMEL PIGS FEET (??? @ Walmart.com)

- 14 oz. jar (family size)

- Feet stored in vinegar

MOMMY BLOGGERS! YOU COULD GET YOUR PERIOD THIS MONTH OR MAKE THIS COOL CRAFT.

Black Friday is in spitting distance. And yes, economists are predicting some decent deals. Though seriously, I’m not sure it’s going to get any better than these cute luxurious slippers (for the entire family) for just $3.99. Here's how...

Just click here to buy Super Kotex pads (only $3.99 @ Toys R Us. No joke)

Then grab these crafting supplies.

Glue

Glitter

Fun iconic shapes

Now follow these easy instructions (I found at HipHophater.com)

Step 1. Place a folded pad on top of an unfolded pad (use the included adhesive to keep them together).

Step 2. Now use the adhesive to stick the wings together.

Step 3. Attach an additional pad (for comfort) on the bottom.

Step 4. Add glue to the top folded wings.

Step 5. Decorate with glitter and fun shapes.

Step 6. Give slippers as gifts to friends, family, or sell on eBay. 

THE 2010 GIFT GUIDE FOR PRIVILEGED WHITE PEOPLE IS HERE!!!

In a handful of months we’ll all be knocking back cartons of spiked eggnog to celebrate little J’s bday. If you have a special privileged white person on your gift list, now is the time to seek out the bargains. Of course the one problem shopping for a privileged white person is they have freakin’ everything!!! Fear not. This entire year I’ve been on the prowl for unique gift ideas. All of which I crammed into my handy dandy catalog that I'll be unveiling in the coming months FREE of charge (since not one publisher liked this humor book treatment). I present to you page 25. PRIVILEGED WHITE PEOPLE GIFTS FOR UNDER 30 BUCKS.

FOR THE PRIVILEGED WHITE SMART CHICK IN YOUR LIFE

Banned Book Bracelet ($25 @ Theafternoon.com)

Mini-metallic cover reprints of some of America’s finest banned books linked together. Includes: To Kill A Mockingbird, Go Ask Alice, Howl, The Color Purple, and more! One size fits all.

FOR THE PRIVILEGED WHITE TV WATCHER IN YOUR LIFE

Remote Control Pillow ($29.95 @ Brookstone)

Plushy fluffy pillow laced with the ability to actually control your TV. Has a 60 second power saving function with a built in infrared LED. Uses 2 AAA batteries. 

FOR THE PRIVILEGED BINGE EATING WHITE GUY IN YOUR LIFE

Corn Dog Maker ($29.95 @ TaylorGifts.com)

Create carnival classics in minutes. Also works with frying pizza, candy bars, and more! Recipe booklet and sticks included.

LAST SECOND THANKSGIVING GIFTS (UNDER $10) THAT WON’T MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A DOOFUS.

by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

Thanksgiving is one of those toss up holidays when it comes to bringing stuff. If you’re a close relative of the person hosting the feast, chances are you worked out what you’re bringing ahead of time. If you’re like a 3rd cousin or a friend, you probably didn’t. Though either way it’s probably a good idea NOT to show up empty-handed. If you’re scrambling for a last second gift here are some ideas that won’t cost much, and you can pick up at the few stores open on Thanksgiving morning.

Belgium Beer Bottle (750 ml /$9.29): Probably overlooked them in the past, but these gourmet ales are pretty much a fixture at any local supermarket. It’s also a good bet if you don’t know much about wines.

Entenmann’s Chocolate Chip Cookies (16 oz. box / $2– $4): Mini-chocolate chip cookies NEVER go out of style. They are also a safe choice for people with peanut allergies. Can’t put a price tag on that.

Bouquet ($8 – $10): Mixed flowers.

Mixed CD (Free): Easy listening or jazzy instrumentals are good for juniors to seniors.

THINK GEEK GIFTS!

I’m just going to throw this out there, people who have everything SUCK! Not only for the obvious reasons. The beautiful houses. Cars that rhyme with Berrari & Gourche. To me, they really suck because you can never find the right gifts for those people. Chances are they have everything you would think of getting them, and probably spent more money than you would. No offense. Christmas. Birthdays. Chanukah. You simply can’t win, so go geek. Thinkgeek.com is literally made up of stuff no one would ever think to own. USB / toy rocket launchers. Rubix cube alarm clocks. And even a Linux based photo frame – Because you never know when you’re going to need an open sourced operating system to display your precious little Shitzu. Thinkgeek has gifts for guys, girls and kids. They’ve even got eco-friendly stuff. All at prices you can afford. And yes, if you’re truly still at a loss, they have gift certificates.