Showing posts with label holiday shopping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday shopping. Show all posts

Thursday, December 22, 2011

THE ART OF THE SHOPPER SHOVE & GRAB


‘Tis the season to take advantage of tons of bargains at your neighborhood uber-mega-superstores. Of course to do that you need to wade through a sea of crazed shoppers. Now I’m a native NYer, so I’m no stranger to crowds. It does serve me well during the rest of year shopping in malls and department stores. However, during the holiday season, you need to up your game when it comes to the thrill of the bargain hunt. Here’s my 5step technique to improving your shopper shoving & grabbing skills.

THE SECRET GRAB
Step 1. Eye the prize: When looking for what you want DO NOT be obvious. Treat it like when your girlfriend asks you to nonchalantly look at a cute guy. If you get over-excited and look directly at the prize, you might alert a shopper that’s closer by.
Step 2. Take the angled path: B-lining straight for the product will alert other shoppers to your intended shopping item. So walk in a calm, angled fashion. Go near the product, but not right on top of it. When you are in striking (grabbing) distance, do a gradual turn towards the item in question. Then in a relaxed manner claim your prize.
THE SHOVE FACTOR
Step 3. Shove nicely: The most common misconception of “shopper shoving” is people think it needs to include some ‘tude. WRONG! Always be polite when shoving your way through crowds. Again, you just want to get to the prize, that's all. Pissing someone off will just take vital time away from reaching your goal. While moving through just simply say, “excuse me,” or “oops sorry, my bad,” and be on your merry way.
Step 4. Scoot don’t shove: Don’t bend in, or put your full force into a shove. That will only make the shovee think you’re out for blood, rather than an honest mistake. Instead do a "wiggle scoot" between people. You’ll make much less enemies that way.
Step 5. Hands up: Keeping your hands up while shoving is a sign of submission (that you are just trying the move through the crowd in peace.) It also decreases your surface area making the "wiggle scoot" must easier (see diagram below).

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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

‘TIS THE SEASON FOR COOL JESUS STUFF


You don’t have to be a Wise Man to know how great a gift these pair of JESUS “HOLY” HOLOGRAM SUNGLASSES will make. Check out these saintly stats …
 One size fits all
- Available in Men’s & Women’s sizes

BONUS: FRIENDS CAN SEE JESUS FROM THE OUTSIDE OF THE GLASSES, BUT YOU CAN'T SEE THE JESUS WHILE YOU ARE WEARING THEM

How cool is that?!

Order your pious pair today for only $6.99 @ ebay.com

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

MERRY MEDICAL MARIJUANA GIFT GUIDE


Looking for the perfect gift for that certain someone who’s a bitch to shop for? Well if he or she is opened-minded and has glaucoma a little medical Mary Jane jubilee might be in order. Here are my top picks…courtesy of MedX Downtown Express Collective (in LA).

For the toker in your life…








For the loved one who constantly has the munchies…








 

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Saturday, December 4, 2010

MY FAVORITE, FAVORITE DOG HUMPING TOYS for under $20


I don’t know about you guys, but every time I see a dog make love to a couch leg it brings a smile to my face. I can only imagine the expression your child will have when they rush to their presents Christmas morning and unwrap a cuddly canine in the “let’s get it on” position. And with a little help from your favorite NY, Jewish, Christmas elf I can make that a reality for under 20 bucks.


#1: SQUIRT THE HUMPING BULLDOG
Just attach Squirt to any leg, then squeeze his foot, and you’re off on a humping adventure. Costs only $15.99 @ 1ofakindstuff.com



#2: HUMPING USB DOG
Plug him into your USB port on your computer and he won’t stop trying to plug your computer. Only $9.99 @ Thinkgeek.com



#3: HUMPING DOG TODDLER T-SHIRT
Now your baby doesn’t have to miss out on all the dog humping happiness with this toddler tee. Made of 100% cotton. Only $14.99 @ Cafepress.com



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Saturday, November 27, 2010

FREAKY CRAP IN JARS THAT MAKE PERFECT GIFTS


If anyone cares, the jar (with a screw-on lid) was invented by John Landis way back in 1858. 

If anyone further cares I bought a House of Blues mason jar when I was in Chicago.
It's now gathering dust. In the jar’s defense it didn’t contain anything to add to its presentation. The following jars won’t have that issue. In fact, I'll take it one step further and guarantee that ANYONE on your holiday list will absolutely cherish these jar gems for years to come.


- 5 ½” tall
- Never been opened




- Accurate detailing
- Plastic non-slip lid




- Made of wool fleece
- Jar has round design





- 14 oz. jar (family size)
- Feet stored in vinegar

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Friday, November 26, 2010

THE PERFECT BITCH SLAP FOR BLACK FRIDAY


Unfortunately my words of wisdom are probably too late for all you die-hard BLACK FRIDAYers. You guys have probably been out since 5am. However, for all you casual shoppers here’s a BITCH SLAP technique tip that will not only reward you with that last item you want, but also minimize injury* (to yourself).


You grab for the sweater just as another bitch (customer) does. Here’s how you should slap her hand.

Notice how all the fingers are positioned – splayed and flat.


Here’s the wrong way to slap. 

Awkward finger positioning could cause a thumb sprain or break.


Happy Holiday shopping! Be safe!!!

* - Information provided from the now defunct site shopMama.org, eHow, and Doctor Oz. 

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Saturday, November 20, 2010

MOMMY BLOGGERS! YOU COULD GET YOUR PERIOD THIS MONTH OR MAKE THIS COOL CRAFT.


Black Friday is in spitting distance. And yes, economists are predicting some decent deals. Though seriously, I’m not sure it’s going to get any better than these cute luxurious slippers (for the entire family) for just $3.99. Here's how...

Then grab these crafting supplies.
Glue
Glitter
Fun iconic shapes


Now follow these easy instructions (I found at HipHophater.com)


Step 1. Place a folded pad on top of an unfolded pad (use the included adhesive to keep them together).




Step 2. Now use the adhesive to stick the wings together.


Step 3. Attach an additional pad (for comfort) on the bottom.


Step 4. Add glue to the top folded wings.


Step 5. Decorate with glitter and fun shapes.



Step 6. Give slippers as gifts to friends, family, or sell on eBay. 

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Friday, November 12, 2010

SUPER GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME

Back in the day (before the internet) I used to kill boredom the classic way. I'd squeeze some Elmers glue on my arm. Wait for it to dry. Then slowly peel it off my skin. Now that I’m more mature I sit back, crack open an ice cold Zima® (from my secret stash), 
and play the GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME. Correction! Today I’m playing the SUPER GOOGLE AWKWARD SEARCH GAME –The instructions are pretty much the same, with a tiny twist...
In the search area type in part of a statement or question. Then simply let Google finish it off. However this time try to type in as few words or letters as possible. Take a gander at these golden Googlgems.










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Sunday, December 27, 2009

A GUY’S GUIDE TO POST CHRISTMAS BARGAIN HUNTING WITH THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER.


by Nameless Dad (NWM Staff Writer)

Think the hours of having your ass be dragged from store to store is finally over? Think again. Now that Xmas is done all the stores are slashing prices on stuff they couldn’t get rid of. Which means bargain hunting season has just begun. And the big bonus kicker is since I get time off between Christmas and New Year's, I’m at my wife’s mercy. I’m essentially her pack mule for the day. The excuse she uses to drag my lazy (football watching) butt off the couch is, “Honey everything is so cheap right now and we REALLY do need a lot of stuff for the house. Plus, you’re off this week…it’s just easier if we both do the shopping together. Besides I don’t know what you want.”

If you’re the sucker (like me) that falls for this, here are 3 things that might come in handy on your 3 hour bargain safari.



iPhone Apps: Offers the necessary info or distraction you need without being too involved in case the wife has any important questions – Honey? Blue or dark blue?!

  • Doodle Jump (99¢)
  • ESPN Scorecenter (FREE):
  • Manga Strip Poker ($1.99)
  • Let’s Golf Lite (FREE)



Griffin TuneJuice Charger for iPod and iPhone ($23.76): No way will one iphone charge last the whole shopping day. Takes 4 AAA batteries.





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