OUR ECONOMY MIGHT BE IN THE CRAPPER, BUT YOU CAN STILL POOP ON PALIN AND PISS ON RUSH FOR $4.99 (each)

Only in America do we offer an opportunity like this. I mean now I know what type of gold our streets are paved with. It truly is amazing that on ebay you can nab these premium toilet targets (made of space-age something) for ONLY $4.99. 

FLUSH RUSH LIMBAUGH

SARAH PALIN [insert funny toilet humor here]

To be honest, I have no ill will towards either newsmaker. I just can sleep tight knowing that someone in this country is helping to keep all Americans in check with quality products like the Wizzstickers. I'll think twice about pissing these guys off [groan].

REAL BUSH LEAGUE HUFFINGTON

First off, I just wanna say I can't stand nitpickers. I hate 'em all with a passion.
"This coffee is too hot."
"ugh. That picture looks crooked."
"You call this highgrade crack?"
Though if something is so blatant you really have to call it out. Today's Huffington is no exception to the rule. Just check the media section and you'll see what I mean. The article is something about Sarah P., but how would you know with that rough edged "W" staring you right in the face. True, I am viewing it on my iPhone (on the edge network), but I'm going to make a grand assumption in thinking that this gross injustice is showing up on computer screens too. Way to screw the pooch Huffington. Not good.

NEW NAUGHTY SARAH PALIN ACTION FIGURE SET

Introducing 4 NEW Sarah Palin designs brought to you by the action figure specialists at HeroBuilders.com.

Innocent Catholic School Girl Palin ($35.95)

Sweaty Workout Girl Palin ($35.95)

Sexy Super Hero Palin ($35.95)

Dirty Dark Avenger Palin ($35.95)

NORTH POLE, ALASKA WEATHER REPORT FOR THURSDAY (10/1)

Today

Cloudy. Flurries. Highs around 40. Light winds.

Tonight

Mostly cloudy. Lows 20 to 25. Light winds.

ONLY 637 DAYS ‘TIL THE NEXT WORLD BEARD & MOUSTACHE CHAMPIONSHIPS!

I could totally kick myself for this, but I missed the 2009 tournament. It was held in Anchorage Alaska in May. Ugh, if only I TIVO’d it, but alas, I think I was watching the finale of LOST. What I did miss was a contest of sheer shearing technique. Some of the top categories included best: partial beard, muttonchops, musketeer and something called free-style. Alaskan native David Traver took top honors. Maybe he can run governor. Click here to see what all the buzzing was about.

NWM GIFT IDEA: ZOMBIE, MUTANT TEDDY BEARS!

Just ‘cause it’s a plush toy, doesn’t mean it has to be loveable. The folks at Teddy Scares have seen to that with their line of cuddly corpses. Each one comes complete with its own ghoulish back-story. Like Mundy Drudge, a bear that was left mangled in a garage. No issues there. Teddy Scares prices range from $14 - $40. But wait, that’s still not all, they also offer apparel, a fan club membership, comic books and yes, Tofu the Vegan Zombie.