I get the Douche Award this time! There’s no escaping it. Yesterday at work I was hungry for a post-breakfast snack. I know. I know. I shouldn’t be snacking. I’m on a diet. Anyhow, on the office kitchen counter there were 3 glorious chocolate cupcakes topped with dollops rich buttercream frosting.
I was just about to rapture one when my conscience convinced me otherwise. Instead I figured I’d curb my hunger by sniffing the cupcake (to me it makes sense.) I opened the carboard lid and shoved my face in the box.
Unfortunately my depth of perception was way off and my nose went right in the frosting. Correction. My sweaty, oily nose went right in the frosting. I then reenacted the scene for a co-worker (who was probably creeped out by me). So if you glossed over the first part my nose dipped into one particular frosted cupcake two times.
HERE’S THE DOUCHEY PART
Instead of discarding the cupcake I left it in the box. Never bothering to think anyone would eat it. I’m mean there are 3 cupcakes. Who’s going to choose the one with the nose print in the frosting? Someone did! Yep, I came back from lunch and it was gone. Now my office is small enough where I could fess up and come clean to everyone very easily. Sadly I chose not to take the high road. So now someone has no clue that a cupcake with an oily, sweaty nose-print is digesting in their belly. Am I douche? Be honest.
On a more positive note...
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This is both disgusting and hilarious. Yes, you are a douche, but a hilarious douche.
ReplyDeleteLet me get this straight. You couldn't have the cupcake, so you smelled it, thinking that was almost as good? It boggles the mind. As for whoever ate the cupcake - by the sounds of things, if they work there they should know that any food lying about is automatically suspect for one reason or another. Besides, ignorance is bliss. Some things just shouldn't be told.
ReplyDeleteI would have done the same, don't feel bad
ReplyDeleteexcept i would have freaked out and kept an eye on the box all day hoping no one noticed
I don't think douche is the word for it. But you're definitely something bad in a funny way.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!!!!
ReplyDeleteAfter sticking your nose in it, you should have just eaten it. Bad dog, no biscuit.
ReplyDeletemmmm... nose oils...
ReplyDeleteAfter some calculation, my conclusion is that there is a surplus of hilarity points after deducting any Dbag points. :D
ReplyDeleteLol this type of moment deserves to be on the tv show the office! haha I can imagine it perfectly hahah
ReplyDeleteYes, you are a douche, not for not fessing up but for not just eating the damn cupcake.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
being myself a closeted cup cake decorator I always appreciate the fine art of cup cake decor and choose the one with the nose print out of the cupcake ballpark!
ReplyDeleteYou should have eaten your nose cupcake. I would have then eaten the other two ...one for each side of my ass ; )
ReplyDeleteThe Ranter’s Box
Its not like you dipped your fucking dick in the cupcake!! Its just a nose print...Doochebag!
ReplyDeleteLOL this cracked me up!!!! Cupcakes are the death of my diet on a damn near daily basis!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd THANK YOU SO MUCH for making me new blog of the day! I sooo appreciate it :-) <3
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ReplyDeleteI think I'd rather eat a cupcake after your nose hit it, than to eat a cupcake that was handled by someone who used to bathroom and didn't wash their hands. Now that just grosses me out. I just love your sense of humor and your blog!!
ReplyDeletelol you should have just eaten it :D
ReplyDeleteLOL I can't help it that is funny as hell.
ReplyDeleteUm, ewww. Haha, those poor people who ate your nose germs. Meh, with those good looking cupcakes, I don't know if anyone really cared!
ReplyDeleteThere are worse things besides your nose that you could've dunked. With that in mind, I say you're fine. :3
ReplyDeleteI can see it now, someone in the office complaining "this tastes like nose."
ReplyDeleteHey, there might be some creepo in the office who's been spying on you secretly, pounced on that cupcake and is ecstatic because he got to ingest your nose sweat. Who in your office looks guilty and drooly at the same time??!!
ReplyDeleteLMAO even though it is totally disgusting shame on you "walks away laughing loudly"
ReplyDeleteHa! No, I don't think you are a douche. I think that other person was desperately hungry and totally ignored all warning signs. It's their fault they digested your nose oil.
ReplyDeleteAt least you didn't lick it.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! If someone was stupid enough (or hungry enough) to eat it, so be it.
ReplyDeleteGotta give you credit....no way would I have been able to stick my nose in it and NOT eat it. (It's ok to eat your own nose oil, btw.)
You are a douche and the Apocalypse Diaries looks right up my alley.
ReplyDeletehaha, I don't know. I wouldn't choose the cupcake with the nose print! Maybe someone just threw it away because it looked weird?
ReplyDeletecome on, really. did you do this? you're nuts. how did you not eat it yourself? i would have. were they from magnolia?
ReplyDeleteYeah whoever ate that cupcake must have really wanted the cupcake. LOL
ReplyDelete