WHO WANTS TO SEE AN HONEST-TO-GOD BLOGGER BEFORE AND DURING A DEF LEPPARD CONCERT AT JONES BEACH?

Yep, that’s yours truly in a limo with one of my lifelong buddies from high school. For those keeping score at home, I graduated in ’89. One of his patients gave us a limo and VIP tix to see Def Leppard at Jones Beach, NY. I'm the dude with the beer in his hand. 

Nothing like seeing a stadium of 40 pluses rockin’ the house to Pour Some Sugar On Me!

GUESS THE NIPPLE’S OWNER

I was born August 29th, 1936. I am currently a US senator from Arizona. I was also the Republican nominee for president in 2008. On a more somber note I was a prisoner of war from 1967 to1973. On a happy note I’m married with seven children, and four grandchildren.

Click here for the answer.  

WHAT THE HELL IS A SCOTCH EGG?

Walk in to any authentic pub and you’re bound to see this on the menu with the fish & chips, shepherd’s pie and blood sausage.

So what is it?

For starters, it was invented back in 1738 (before diets) by the London department store Fortnum & Mason. The Scotch Egg is essentially a shelled hardboiled egg, wrapped in sausage rolled in breadcrumbs and deep-fried. Normally it’s served with salad and pickles. The US tends to serve ‘em with hot sauce or ranch dressing.

Nasty Nutrition Stats (1 egg):

Calories = 258

Carbs = 13.3g

Fat = 17.7g

Cholesterol = 270mg

Best beer to have with it:

Goes nicely with a warm, bitter brew like Uncle Teddy’s Bitter, Hophead or Bitchin Bitter.

BAD THINGS BREWING AT SUMMER PARTIES

Jesse (yes, I’m doing the 3^rd person thing) with a crapload of summer brews at his office party is bad. Very bad. I only say this since today is the day of the 2011 summer office party. If there’s any question of how bad I get, this 2010 party clip should put your minds at ease (or not).

CATCH UP ON YOUR BACKWARDS SATANIC MUSIC LISTENING.

It’s called Backmasking. A process where you essentially take a recorded message and convert it to be heard in the reverse order. Probably the best example of this is in the Beatles’s song Revolution Number 9. Reverse the record on the turntable (record player for those under 30) and you’d allegedly hear the phrase, "Paul is a dead man, miss him, miss him, miss him."

After the Fab Four used it on other albums, other bands followed suit. And soon all the headliners like Pink Floyd, Queen and Styx were (rumored) to be using it quite a bit. Which then got the right-wingers so crazy that they had Arkansas legislation pass a Backmasking law in 1983. 

It stated that all bands had to provide a warning label on their album covers if backmasking was present. Of course, once the government got involved it meant backmasking was too mainstream. So since it was out of subculture most bands simply got bored with the whole thing. Eventually it became as passé as the electric keyboard guitar or the whammy bar.

Today Backmasking comes in drips and draps. Probably 'cause most bands couldn't give two sh-ts about hiding their subversive lyrics anymore.

FYI...Here are some of the top past and present satanic/odd songs and phrases…

Artist: Ash

Album: Evil Eye (2004)

Backwards Phrase: "She's giving me the evil eye, suck Satan's c*ck."

Artist: Deep Purple

Album: Stormbringer (1974)

Backwards Phrase: "The c*cksucker, motherf*cker, stormbringer!"

Artist: The Doors

Song: Break on Through (1967)

Backwards Phrase: "I am Satan"

Artist: Insane Clown Posse

Song: Echo Side (1999)

Backwards Phrase: "F-ck the Devil! F-ck that sh-t! We believe in life legit. If you diggin' what we say, why you throw your soul away?"

AND THE MOST F’D UP ONE OF THEM ALL…

Artist: Information Society

Song: Are Friends Electric (1997)

Backwards Phrase: "Obey your parents. Do your homework. Winners don't do drugs."

MOMMY BLOGGERS! CASH FOR CRAP?

No joke! Found this golden opportunity on Craigslist, so it has to be true!

UCI Research Needs Dirty Diapers! - $50 (OC)

Local research is looking for a few volunteers to save their child's dirty diapers for us. It's as easy as that bag your used diapers and we arrange pickup!

Right now we are searching for volunteers who fit the following criteria:

- Female age 30 months or older.

- Male age 42 months or older.

If your child fits either of these boxes email us for more info.

PUBLIC DOMAIN OF AFFECTION

by me, oh and some 1950's artist.

GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND READ THS COMIC BOOK!

Couldn’t let comic-con end without doing one comic book post. CHEW is written by John Layman and illustrated by Rob Guillory. Probably the biggest reason behind the success of this book has to be the concept. It takes place in an altered version of our present day. In this universe the Bird Flu had literally become a pandemic wiping out 100s of millions of people worldwide. As a result the FDA outlawed chicken in the United States. Which (not unlike alcohol prohibition) forced people to open underground clubs that illegally serve this flavorful fowl. One person trying to crack down on these criminals to the best of his ability is FDA agent, Tony Chu.

What makes Chu special is he is also a cibopathic. That’s the ability to get a psychic impression from anything eaten (except beets). If Tony eats a hamburger, he’ll see and feel everything done to that cow. He samples of some illegal chicken, he can see the smugglers faces. Needless to say Agent Chu is a very valuable commodity on the force that's made lots of friends and even more enemies.

All in all CHEW has the perfect balance of humor, action and gore. Guillory’s graphic cartoony style (see below) is a great fit for the crazy plotlines. It also totally syncs up with how Layman writes these characters. If you’re looking for an incredible mature story that’ll pretty much keep you guessing to the very last frame, cast your comic-aspersions aside and pick up the trade of the first CHEW story arc (Taster’s Choice). Now available at Amazon for only $9.99

CROSS THAT OFF MY BUCKET LIST

Last night one of my friends ordered a round of pickleback shots to toast a buddy. I assumed it was some fruity concoction, but sadly no!  

A pickelback is a shot of whisky with (wait for it) a chaser of real pickle juice. So of course I did it. And you know, it wasn’t half bad. It tasted like a spiked cheeseburger if that makes any sense. FYI…it also didn’t repeat on me at 2am either. Double bonus. 

POSITIVE REVIEWS FROM THE LESS POPULAR STUFF ON AMAZON

Electronic Spin the Bottle Game ($9.99 at Amazon)

Last time I played Spin the Bottle was in West Hampton, NY back in the summer of ’95. I was 24. And I did ok. The guy with much better hair than me totally cleaned up. He also was pretty skillful at the spinning part. A talent that is sadly not needed for this i-kissing version. Personally I think it hurts the sport. Though the following reviewer begs to differ.

WHO WANTS TO SEE AN HONEST-TO-GOD BLOGGER EAT BACONNAISE FOR MONEY?

Just sounding out the name will pretty much help you deduce what Baconnaise is all about. However, if you need a little nudge in the right direction, it’s mayo with bits of yummy nutritious bacon. And yes, one of my co-workers dared me to eat one uber giant spoonful of B-mayo. How much are we talking here? 5 bucks! C’mon! In these tough times you would’ve taken the bet too. I'm sure of it. 

Though to be honest, right after the gauntlet was thrown down I did push it off for at least a week. Then yesterday I felt enough was enough. It’s time to bring home the bacon by making love to it with my face (you'll see in a moment.) Here are some choice photos of the event.

SO HOW MUCH WOULD A ROUND OF BEERS AND A PIE COST IN SIBERIA?

I don’t know what it is I just have this fascination with Siberia. I mean, it’s not enough to book a ticket there, but just enough to be mildly curious about it for the rest of my natural born life. Come to think of it, in the 80s I was subjected to a healthy diet of "Cold War-laced action movies" which might've had something to do with it. 

So first off, if I was in the land way, way, down under where would I go for PIZZA? To that I’d say (according to Lonely Planet) the best pizza place in Siberia – Mama Roma.  Located somewhere um here…

Thankfully they have a website that has a translator. So let the itemizing begin (based on the fact you're dining with 3 friends.) 

4 pints of Heineken costs 720 rubles (Russian currency) or $25.50

1 Margerita (Tomatoes, Mozzarella) pizza costs 255 rubles or $9.03

Total cost of a night with friends in Siberia? Priceless or $34.53

DEEP FRIED BALLS (an ongoing series)

What’s delicious and round that I’d love to put in my mouth in July? It’s none other than Deep-Fried Kool-Aid Balls!!  These nuggets of nourishment-ish debuted at this year’s San Diego County Fair courtesy of Charlie Boghosian. Essentially he combined batter with the classic Kool-Aid powder mix and then deep fried the suckers. Those who have tried ‘em swear they taste like jelly doughnut holes. A pack of these piping hot balls goes for a Kool 6 bucks! 

Great balls of breaded blush!

4 THINGS I’M 72.8% SURE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE PATRON SAINT OF MAD DOGS

#1: The proper name of this uber-religious guy is Saint Hubert of Liege.

#2: Hubert’s road to sainthood started when he saw a crucifix appear on the antlers of the deer he was hunting and his wife dying soon after.

#3: Since Hubert was formally an expert hunter he concentrated his patronage against rabies and bad behavior in canines, primarily hunting dogs.

#4: Hubert  was born in 656 A.D. and died on May 30^th 727 A.D.

“I think I’m gonna be sick IN LIKE THE COOLEST BARF BAGS EVER!”

Thankfully (just jinxed myself), I’ve never found a reason to use one on the plane. Though as a youngin’ I fondly remember shoving my hand in the Pan Am vomit bag as a way to pass time. 

We had no ipads back then. Anyway, look at me going on and on about myself when all you really came here to see is B-bags. I’ll shutup now and present ‘em without further commercial [visit bloggerdise] interruption.