FREE MILLION DOLLAR IDEA

Ok, it’s not exactly free. I’d love a hefty percentage of the profits. But after we rake in millions upon millions of dollars you won’t even notice. So what’s my idea? CREATE THE NEXT FAD DIET. My spin would be to feature a guilty pleasure as one of the main ingredients to said diet. C’mon! What overweight American wouldn’t want to be on the SNICKERS diet or...

… the marshmallow Peeps diet? 

...or even the freakin' chili dog diet? 

I got a million more swirling 'round in my noggin. 

The perfect partner would be a registered dietitian to make this puppy legal. So sadly if you don’t have that credential you can't make millions with me. Sorry.

BEST STUFF TO FINGER WHEN YOU’RE DEPRESSED

Michael Stipe said it best, “Everybody Hurts.”

Amen brother. In my 39.65 years on this ball of mud I’ve experienced it all. Getting dumped. Crappy grades. Horrible workday. Even the “where the F is my life heading” sadness you get after an ungodly amount of beers ‘n shots. Of course there are only 4 ways to ride out these bouts of depression when you’re a guy and alone…

• Slow Sad Music (Eric Carmen, Michael Bolton, etc.)
• Video games
• Masturbate
• And my personal favorite, FINGERING JARS OF FOOD

I know the latter will seemingly do the most caloric damage in the long run, but it usually is the most satisfying to me. I think it has something to do with the intake of comfort food laced with a sugar rush. It’s also way more gratifying if you DON’T go the spoon route. Why? 3 reasons…

• Metallic-ness of the spoon kills the taste.
• Not as malleable (can’t get the last of the good stuff as easily as a finger).
• Finger offers the perfect serving size customized to you.

MY TOP 4 DELICIOUS DEPRESSION BEATERS

PB&J: A finger classic. Personally, I think the Skippy smooth peanut butter fuses the best to grape jelly (like Smucker's). Another must is to use the peanut butter as your base. Less messy. Trust me. Total Fat: 16g / Total Calories: 240

BLACK ‘N WHITE: Need to be a bit more of a pro-fingerer to tackle this one. Fluff is uber-sticky, yet Hershey’s syrup is super smooth. Best way to do it is finger a whole mess of the white stuff then squirt some brown on top. Delish.

Total Fat: 0g / Total Calories: 140

MILKY WAY®: This euro-spread is kinda hard to find. So if you do see it on your grocer’s shelf, grab it. The jar is crammed with rich milk chocolate swirled with sweet ribbons of vanilla icing. Apparently that’s the exact same ingredients you find in the European version. BONUS TIP: Chill MW at least a day before fingering. Total Fat: 10g / Total Calories: 160

RAW COOKIE DOUGH: An inebriated favorite. Nestle Toll House® has the best chip to dough ration. However, there are two drawbacks to this treat: you need two fingers and that whole salmonella thing. Total Fat: 6g / Total Calories: 130

THE BALLPARK BURGER BEAST.

Baseball season is a go! Time to dust off your liver and empty out that belly to make way for some good ol’ American beer, brats, and big sloppy burgers. As far as the latter goes, Whitecaps Stadium (in Grand Rapids, MI) definitely rules them all with their meaty monster. It’s called The Fifth Third Burger (appropriately named after the park).

The line-up includes 5 beef patties, 5 slices of cheddar, chili, 10 dollops of sour cream, liquid cheese, crumbled nacho chips, lettuce, tomato, ketchup and mustard – all between two huge-ass buns (kosher pickle is optional). Apparently if you finish this beefy beast within 7 or 9 innings the stadium will give you a t-shirt and a photo on the wall of fame. Play ball!

Witness what goes into The Fifth Third Burger.

SUPER BOWL SNACK SPOTLIGHT: AN ONGOING, IN-DEPTH SERIES

Super Bowl kicks off In less than 2 hours. Sos once again I’ll be gorging myself into a food coma. To me, chicken wings definitely fits this caloric occasion. Of course, that's ONLY if you have the right bleu cheese. Use a watered down bleu-ish dressing, and you'll totally F the taste of even the best of Buffalo. Here are my 3 winning picks.

#3 – Kraft Roka Bleu Cheese:
This is not their regular dressing brand. It’s a bit more heavy duty on the thickness – compared to Kraft’s regular stuff. The taste is good, and not overpowering. However it still lacks the richness. When you stick a wing in, it should literally be coated like paint. On a personaI note I also feel they could up the cheese chunk factor....by a smidge.

#2 – Wish-Bone Chunky Blue Cheese:
This one is still light on consistency, but totally makes up for it with the sheer amount of big bleu cheese chunks they cram in. Almost borders on too much. Almost. As far as taste goes, Wish-Bone is pretty much the sharpest of the bunch. Produces a slightly acidic after-taste with the honey mustard and BBQ wing flavors.

And #1…

Marie’s Chunky Blue Cheese:
Put dressing in a jar and you got me sold. Marie’s just looks like your getting sauce for dipping, instead of dressing. As far as the coating factor, it totally exceeds all expectations. It’s creamy, rich with just the right Bleu cheese crumble ratio. They also score extra points for having 5 Blue Cheese varieties (Blue Cheese Vinaigrette, Blue Cheese with Bacon, Chunky Blue Cheese, Lite Chunky Blue Cheese and the Premium Super Blue Cheese.) For SB, Marie's is a must in my playbook.

Learn even more about Marie’s than you care to...

REDEEMING STUFF IN REALLY BAD FOOD.

Just ‘cause it’s junk food doesn’t mean it’s bad for you. Ok, well actually it does. Though deep within the deep-fried, sugar coated core of each of these guilty pleasures lies a teeny tiny glimmer of goodness. You just gotta know where to look.

FRIED CHICKEN:

Bad News: Loaded in the fat (53g) and cholesterol (285mg) categories.

Good News: A full serving of protein (102g) and zero carbs.

TWINKIES:

Bad News: High calorie (150) and cholesterol (20mg) count.

Good News: Decent amount of calcium (20mg). Lowish in fat (4.5g) and no trans fat.

BEER BATTERED FISH (COD):

Bad News: Ungodly amounts of fat (31g), calories (442) and cholesterol (98mg).

Good News: Very low in saturated fat. Also a good source of Niacin, Vitamin B12, Potassium, Protein, vitamin B6, Phosphorus and Selenium.

GUESS THE CANNED BEVERAGE.

Ingredients:
Carbonated water, caramel color, aspartame, phosphoric acid, potassium, benzoate, natural flavors, caffeine.









Answer: Diet Coke



-- Post From My iPhone

5 LAST SUPPERS.

So what would you have if it was your last meal on earth? As a parting gift for being on Death Row, prisoners are given a final dinner of their choosing (courtesy of the state). Here’s what 5 hardened criminals chose…

Bruno Richard Hauptmann (Nov. 26, 1899 – April 3, 1936) Murdered the Lindbergh baby.

Last meal: Celery, olives, chicken, french fires, butter peas, cherries and a slice of cake.

John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (March 17, 1942 – May 10, 1994) Serial killer.

Last meal: A dozen deep-fried shrimps, a bucket of original recipe chicken from KFC, French fries, and a pound of strawberries.

Dobie Gillis Williams (1961 – Jan. 8th, 1999) Murdered Sonja Knippers.

Last meal: 12 candy bars and ice cream.

Karla Faye Tucker (November 18, 1959 – February 3, 1998) Murderer.

Last meal: Banana, peach, and garden salad with ranch dressing.

Gary Michael Heidnik (Nov. 22, 1943 – July 6, 1999) Serial killer.

Last meal: Had two slices of a cheese pizza and two cups of black coffee.

LEGGO MY STARFLEET ISSUED PHASER.

When I was a kid I loved, loved, loved those Mickey Mouse ice cream pops. Those were the chocolate covered vanilla ice-cream pops made in the classic shape of Mickey (ears and all). Now, I understand full well that times have changed. Technology has improved in all industries, including food services. I just think food is food, and drawing is drawing. The two are a bit freaky when mixed. Case in point – the Limited Edition Star Trek Eggo Waffles. Like I said, I’m totally cool with the waffle sorta looking like the shape of character and maybe have a crude design. I just think having an accurately rendered Star Trek logo, Captain Kirk & Spock and a Romulus baddie, doesn’t look like it should be edible. Though I’m sure whatever polysorbate-ish inks and dyes they used have been tested in labs, and goes just fine syrup. And so far most net-reports have come in saying the waffles don’t taste any different.  To me, it just seems wrong to be able to bite into Sylar (with a bowl cut).

One positive vote to boldly go in this breakfast direction...

JUNK FOOD THAT’S GOOD FOR YOU.

Pork Rinds?

You've definitely seen 'em. It's the brown, puffy looking chip things packed in clear bags. Usually wedged way in the back of the snack bins.

What are they?

Pork skin that’s cured, then deep fried (not as bad as it sounds).

The bad news:

Nothing healthy ever started with the words Deep Fried. Also a bit high in the cholesterol area – 20mg.

The good news:

They have like zero carbs. Chips have like 15g per teeny-tiny serving. Pork Rinds also have 43% unsaturated fat that’s chock full of oleic acid (same stuff found in olive oil).

Best Brands to Eat:

Utz, Mac’s Snacks, Herr’s and Ricos.

Do it yourself Pork Rinds...