Friday, April 1, 2011

GREENLAND SCIENTISTS CREATE FIRST SELF-REPLICATING WIENER


Dr. Kraus Volstalb and lifelong partner Dr. Helmut Gratunbarg reported the incredible news to Genome Science Quarterly earlier this week.
“We are elated that our years of experiments and research have finally paid off,” proclaimed Volstalb.
Helmut went on to discuss the ramifications of the self-replicating discovery.
“Hotdogs are just the beginning, we are now in the stages of trying to replicate simple organic entities like grains and vegetables. Our goal is to help cut food bill costs, plus feed third world nations.”

WHAT IS THE MULTI-WIENER?
It’s the next level of cloning. Essentially the hot dog is combined with an amoeba on a cellular level. Introducing this parasitic-protozoan into the hot dog’s genetic makeup literally gives it the ability to split and self-replicate.

HOW IT WORKS
You simply leave your multi-wiener on the plate. The oxygen will then causes the wiener to reproduce a perfect genetic copy of itself. Within 2 hours you will have 6 to 7 wieners ready to cook. So far the only drawbacks is the pinkish hue the dogs exhibit. Other than that they taste like the real thing and are perfectly safe to ingest.


WHY YOU WON’T SEE THIS HOT DOG AT A BBQ THIS SUMMER
Religious activists are already lobbying against this type of research to be started in the U.S. They feel it’s only a matter time before testing is done on embryonic subjects. No word If any legislation has come out of capitol hill, but political activists say this would fall in the area of  stem cell research. One of the most highly controversial areas of study that had been previously banned in the US.

ONE MORE THING…
Shortly after my posting I was lucky enough to find an interview with the assistant on the actual research team. He offers up some pretty startling new revelations. Click here to enjoy.

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24 comments:

  1. Wow..its actually something quite impressive..to say the least!...But I do understand the trickery that it might develop if tested on non-food organisms...But nevertheless is amazing, one can deny it

    xx
    Andy
    The Black Label

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  2. Okay, self-replicating wiener, I get it. I was thinking that Mr. Bobbitt must have spawned a new avenue for medicine. Now I get it...

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  3. what happens if you leave your wiener unattended, is it going to keep replicating and world hunger problem will get solved?

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  4. A self-replicating weiner sounds like a very dangerous thing....

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  5. My wiener can only enlarge itself, i guess they have me beat :(

    sorryihadtosayit

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  6. Wieners.... wieners everywhere~~~~~!

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  7. you should NEVER joke about wieners, jesse! especially when those wieners could have saved the world.

    it is fun to say, though. wiener.

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  8. Ze Germans will love this post. The more weiners the better for them. Oh, and they love to eat pickled weiners out of jars from the gas station. No, that is not an April Fools joke, that is for real. So gross! Happy April Fools Day!

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  9. As posts go...this one's a wiener!

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  10. MULTI-WIENER kicks Charlie Sheen's 'Bi-wiener' ass.

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  11. Even though it is way too late and I'm exhausted / brain dead from work, if you post something about wieners, then in my dirty mind it translates to "ding dongs" so of course I have to come sniffing around ; )

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  12. and there you have it. A lifetime supply of hotdogs.

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  13. omg need to go rescue mind from gutter i did not get past the title

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  14. Multiplying wieners huh? I'll just assume you know where my thoughts have gone.

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  15. Hmm I wonder when this will be put to use to help the guys who have lost their junk.

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  16. i need that for my money to happen.

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  17. can they replicate my wiener?

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  18. A pink hot dog? It looks more like an adult toy!

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  19. If they just stick with food then why not?

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