Friday, February 4, 2011

CHRIST, I JUST HIT AN ANIMAL WITH MY CAR – SHOULD I SERVE IT FOR SUPER BOWL?


Hey, if you’re a super chef you can make anything taste like chicken. Though honestly, we both know that’s not the real issue. You’re worried that the freshly dead roadkill you just acquired might be too fattening for family and fellow fans. Well fear not, I have the answer to your critter calorie question.



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40 comments:

  1. I don't see a cat there. They must be low-calorie since they eat mostly fish.

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  2. I just knew those pesky raccoons would be hard on my diet.

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  3. The last time I went home to Kentucky for a family reunion, we had both of those things and some other critters. (not road kill though).

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  4. Some people in the south eat that regularly.

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  5. While I've never eaten squirrel ("SQUIRREL!") I have a good friend who has, and while I also never thought I would ever EAT squirrel ("SQUIRREL!") he has explained to me that they eat nuts (mostly) and therefore are the epitome of greasie dark meats, albeit LITTLE dark meats.

    However, when hunting with the 58 Buick Special, some other considerations should be considered.
    For example, running over a tiny creature like that with two and a half tons of moving steel, as in RUNNING OVER...will produce more splintered bone than buckshot.
    But then, once I admitted to him that I had indeed, HIT a squirrel ("SQUIRREL!") but, quite by accident.
    He ducked in the middle of the road. And I thought he would stay down...but, curiosity got the better of him, I guess, and he looked up to see what the feathers was up over him and BAM!
    But that's the very time you DO stop and pick up the critter, take it home and do the pajama game with it, gut it, and there you have four tiny bites of chow.

    But, I did feel sorry about running him over.
    Now, I heard you should capture a possum and feed it cereal and milk for a couple of weeks before clubbing it and cooking it.
    Still...if I feed it milk and cereal, I'll probably name it, too. Oh, nothing cliche like Pogo or anything. Maybe Peter.
    Peter Possum Tail.
    Waddling down the possum trail.
    BAM! oh feathers...he got ran over.
    NEXT.
    Here's another one... BAM!
    Dang! I'm sorry... dang. Making a bloody mess out'a these BAM! Dang! There goes ANOTHER ONE!
    BAM!

    Holy feathers, we gotta get a BAM! slower speed limit around BAM here or we'll lose BAM! all our BAM! wild BAM! life...
    dang.

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  6. haha man you posts always crack me up...guess i´m gonna have to add squirrel to my diet! Btw thank you for making me blog of the day...Again..its really cool and I feel so much honored you like my blog.

    Greetings
    Andy

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  7. Wow...Raccoon is kind of fatty isn't it?

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  8. A fresh squirrel can make a good meal. If you've a keen eye and shovel, there's no reason to go hungry.

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  9. What about groundhog? Groundhog is the #1 roadkill in the state of Pennsylvania. They're usually pretty chubby, so I'm betting they're high in fat. Plus, they're MEAN so I'm thinking they'll be gamey, too.

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  10. Can I just do pizza and beer?
    An award awaits you sir!

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  11. but I want to know if cheetah is fattening.

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  12. "Good to know" information to store in the memory bank as you'll never know when you'll need it. I would love to see your version of an "Eat this - not that book".

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  13. are squirrels high in protein?

    your friend,
    ectomorphmuscle.blogspot.com

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  14. Lol , never tried to eat squirrel , but sounds tempting eheh

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  15. I think in this case, I'd go with the raccoon. Either way, honestly, I might just go without in this instance.

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  16. Nah, I don't have it with eating animals ;)

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  17. Haha and ew. I don't know which was my first reaction.

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  18. Well, that's one way to save on your grocery bill.

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  19. eating raccoon will give you worms

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  20. yum roadkill my favorite..lol

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  21. Never would have guessed the caloric intake from eating roadkill.

    I hit a squirrel once and I cried the rest of the way home...lol. I swear it traumatized me. But yeah, I'd still eat one if I were starving.

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  22. ahah nice. i will remember it when i am looking for a low-fat meal :)

    thanks that you made my blog your "Blog of the Day"

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  23. squirrels are too cute i couldnt eat one

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  24. Squirrels just seem like they'd taste better. They eat nuts, raccoons eat trash. Simple logic.

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  25. Great eats. I'd eat it thinking it's just a speed bump.

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  26. My brothers used to hunt squirrel and rabbit when I was a kid and mom cooked it up pretty good. Can't say I'd eat it now since it is a rodent!! Raccoon?? No friggen' way!

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  27. oh i would definitely choose a squirrel

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  28. Excellent dining guide, my friend.
    Hilarious!

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  29. would a raccoon taste like garbage?

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  30. mr. cohen, this is kage from the american society for the protection and care of animals.

    we would very much like to speak with you. please respond aspca. i mean asap.

    we are not pleased.

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  31. Either way, I just lost my appetite...I WAS having chicken for dinner and the visual of the above is disturbing. Thanks for the new diet plan!

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