Friday, November 26, 2010

THE PERFECT BITCH SLAP FOR BLACK FRIDAY


Unfortunately my words of wisdom are probably too late for all you die-hard BLACK FRIDAYers. You guys have probably been out since 5am. However, for all you casual shoppers here’s a BITCH SLAP technique tip that will not only reward you with that last item you want, but also minimize injury* (to yourself).


You grab for the sweater just as another bitch (customer) does. Here’s how you should slap her hand.

Notice how all the fingers are positioned – splayed and flat.


Here’s the wrong way to slap. 

Awkward finger positioning could cause a thumb sprain or break.


Happy Holiday shopping! Be safe!!!

* - Information provided from the now defunct site shopMama.org, eHow, and Doctor Oz. 

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24 comments:

  1. Good information, as always. No crack-o-dawn shopping for me!

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  2. Haaaa!! Love that sweater. This technique comes in handy for more than just Black Friday. I use it when someone reaches for my bag of fun size Kit Kats.

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  3. Hopefully you've saved some thumbs today.

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  4. I'm already pretty damn good at bitch slapping, but thanks for reiterating the technique.

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  5. The only bitch I gotta slap is myself. I'm doing shopping online.

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  6. this is the best by far LOL.. except i think id punch the person in the throat to cause a lasting affect and she is too busy hurting to try n run after me LMAO

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  7. That is good to know. I'm not mad enough to participate in Black Friday, but I sure do love slapping people. Thanks for the tip.

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  8. great post! definitely following..I did the whole black friday thing once...not for me..from canada eh, don't like the crowds.
    Ps thanks for the 'new blog of the day' definitely much appreciated!

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  9. LOL at these techniques how to slap! I never go to black friday, but if I ever do I'll make sure to use these techniques!

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  10. I think falling forward words best (same hand position, mind you, so as not to injure the thumb.) That way you get a lot more impact and in the confusion can grab at the item. But in any good sport it's not the play called that matters. It's what works. Good luck in Macy's!

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  11. hrrmmm... i'm in a bad mood today so i just might bitch slap the next person who annoy me. i'm sure that i will be able to use that technique before the end of the day.

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  12. Oh I learned the hard way about the slapping hand thing. Not because I went to Black Friday, I don't. I stay far away from Black Friday shit. But on the cruise in Alaska this Chinese woman was in the bathroom waiting and one of the doors was green meaning it wasn't occupied. I reach for the handle pointing that it was green and she slapped my hand.

    Foreigners don't know how to turn a fucking lock on a bathroom stall. Her friend came out 4 seconds later.

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

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  13. I'm staying safe inside away from all of that mess!

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  14. That's a good "rule of thumb." Thanks. Happy Black Friday. xo

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  15. LMAO I made a few scenes today bitching people out and yelling at customers then my ass ass cuts a 2-3 hour line for the wii lol it was a 40 minute trip to walmart i made great time! no skappin was needed thanks for the tip, might just need to slap some bitch!

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  16. I prefer the pimp slap. Afterwards I have a wad of cash in my hands.

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  17. Good to know, though bitch slappin' is a bit too obvious. I prefer the, stick your foot out just far enough for them to fall flat on their face routine!

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  18. That first photo represents American's white, brown, black and asian trash at it's holiday finest! Black Friday means PJ's and leftovers for me...ALL DAY! I did watch some holiday frenzied bitch slapping at Toys R US on the news a while ago. If I ever go out on Black Friday, or to Toys R Us on any day of the year, PLEASE bitch slap me. You may use either method!

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  19. I could have used this this morning :(

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  20. What a cool slap! LOL! Great blog indeed!

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