Friday, August 27, 2010


Now obviously this is NOT something I’d do on a whim. Money would be the driving force behind this deadly deed. I’d say somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 to 5 million. Of course I would have some stipulations for my benefactor – 22 of ‘em to be exact. No wait, 24, which are as follows:

1-I will not have sex with a recently deceased person (too emotional).

2-If the bet requires me to make love to a dude I'd want him to be dead for at least 18 years (he’d be mostly rotted away so I’d have more orifice options).

3-No underage dead person.

4-The corpse should be shorter than me (I don’t like making love to tall people, case closed).

5-I want the money in cash.

6-I refuse to make love in grave dirt.

7-If you do videotape the event I’d prefer you upload it to AOL video instead of youtube (less of chance of being seen by someone I know).

8-I’d prefer to be on top (but if not I can deal with it).

9-I’d like an opportunity to get good and liquored up before the event (your treat).

10-I want to be able to keep my clothes on.

11-If we are making love in a room I’d like the lights to be off.

12-If you must invite friends to watch I’d prefer no more than 6.

13-I’d want to use a condom.

14-I will need a blindfold of some kind.

15-You will need to stock the room with aroma candles (I like the scent Autumn breeze or Day At The Beach).

16-Noseplugs are a must.

17-I’d like the TV on in the background playing Smallville season 4 episode 6 (not revealing my reason).

18-I’d like to make love on silk sheets (not up for discussion).

19-Kissing will cost you an extra 15 grand.

20-I’d prefer to make love in a beachfront hotel somewhere in the Caribbean.

21-I'd require an extra 50 grand if you want me to climax.

22-The act will be no longer than 6 minutes (1 grand for every minute I go over).

23-If I have erection issues please be understanding.

24-$500 extra for every photograph snapped (and they must ONLY be in B&W or sepia).

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  1. I cannot stop laughing. You are hysterical.

    In related sex on the beach news, would you settle for beach front property in West Palm Beach instead of the Caribbean?


  2. I am truly inspired that you have clearly though this through. Well done, sir.

  3. Wow that is truly twisted.......I love it. If it was me though I would like to just have the torso that way it could fit in a large microwave to "warm it up" first......... I know I'm going to Hell

  4. You are so sick and so hilarious. Is there a connection between Smallville and erection issues? Never mind.

  5. I like that you are not expected to climax AND only 6 minutes... I'm so curious as to what the time is for a LIVE person!

  6. So take your Viagra, put in your nose, ear, butt plugs and get pumpin' Mister! I can actually picture this...then we'll post it on YouBoob

  7. I've learned quickly that you will do ANYthing for a price. At least you've put stipulations in - you don't want it to get weird.

  8. It's interesting and entertaining blog at the same time.
    Thanks to the author for the efforts you have made in writing this awesome article.

  9. I feel like if someone is paying you for this weird act the whole not taking your clothes off seems like a ripoff.

    However if I were you I'd add a stipulation that it be a famous guy. That way at the very least you could say you did it with a star.

  10. LMFAO! you've put much thought into this! I think we all have our price. ;)

  11. You forget to mention tax free

  12. How are you gonna smell the pretty candles if your nose is plugged, dude?

  13. This is awesome.. friggin hilarious!!!

  14. Grave dirt would be too much like sand. It just gets in all the wrong places. Thanks for joining the Fawk You Friday hop.

  15. As long as you'll accept sepia, okay...count me in for a couple bucks to get you going (and a bottle of MD 20/20)

  16. Haha, gotta at least have standards!

  17. did you hear about that body that was taken from the farmingdale cemetery recently? so sad. this blog may create an investigation of copyboy. just a heads up.


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