Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I’m not saying if I ever successfully attempted this grift back in November of ’98. And I certainly wouldn’t tell you if I only made $22. But what I will disclose is how to up that pot by $38. And how to complete the DOGGIE MAKEOUT BET with minimal mental scarring.

What you need:

  • Big friendly dog (small ones bite)
  • Peanut butter
  • 8 friends
  • Case of beer (domestic)
  • Chloraseptic spray
  • Ice cube

What to do:
Step 1. Get your friends nice and liquored up before going out to the bars (that way you'll know they'll have cash).

Step 2. When the moment is right leave the room and dab some peanut butter on your lips.

Step 3. When you appear back in the room the dog will be all over you trying to get to the peanut butter. Patiently wait ‘til 3 or more friends make the classic “get a room you two” comment.

Step 4. Announce to the room that you will makeout with the dog for 20 seconds for no less than 60 bucks.

Step 5. After all the money is on the table say you need to go to the bathroom to mentally prepare. Once the door is closed quickly down a can of beer. Then spray Chloraseptic (a known numbing agent) all over your tongue and mouth.

Step 6. Rub an ice cube (you stole from the freezer) all over your lips to further ensure you will have little to no feeling in that area. 

Step 7. Enter the room and grab the dog’s snout to gain control of the situation.

Step 8. Proceed to tongue the dog. The numbness should dull the physical and mental pain of the task at hand.

Step 9. Collect 60 bucks from shocked friends! Cha-ching!

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  1. Can I just demand the $60 and skip all the hassle?

  2. Couldn't I just trick a friend into doing it and split the cash with him? I think it would still be scarring.

  3. I thought this was going to get dirty. Remember that urban legend on LI about the girl and her dog and the peanut butter? It was dark and her entire family was hiding in her home to surprise her for her new engagement? Following this, the guy broke off the engagement. Eeek.

  4. Wow. That is genious! Except for the part of actually making ou twith the dog. However, $60 would be nice.

  5. WARN ME when you post things like this so I can skip it and not have to descend into a tailspin of cleaning rituals to get that horrific picture out of my head. Yikes.

  6. I know I would already be too drunk and probably do the prep work incorrectly which would end up being worse than not having $60 more in my pocket.

  7. I believe there are laws against this in most states. Besides, what if the dog likes it, and considers it foreplay?

  8. I tried this once but I made the mistake of putting the peanut butter on my scrotum.


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