WIN SIXTY BUCKS THE SEMI-HARD WAY

I’m not saying if I ever successfully attempted this grift back in November of ’98. And I certainly wouldn’t tell you if I only made $22. But what I will disclose is how to up that pot by $38. And how to complete the DOGGIE MAKEOUT BET with minimal mental scarring.


What you need:

• Big friendly dog (small ones bite)
• Peanut butter
• 8 friends
• Case of beer (domestic)
• Chloraseptic spray
• Ice cube

What to do:

Step 1. Get your friends nice and liquored up before going out to the bars (that way you'll know they'll have cash).

Step 2. When the moment is right leave the room and dab some peanut butter on your lips.

Step 3. When you appear back in the room the dog will be all over you trying to get to the peanut butter. Patiently wait ‘til 3 or more friends make the classic “get a room you two” comment.

Step 4. Announce to the room that you will makeout with the dog for 20 seconds for no less than 60 bucks.

Step 5. After all the money is on the table say you need to go to the bathroom to mentally prepare. Once the door is closed quickly down a can of beer. Then spray Chloraseptic (a known numbing agent) all over your tongue and mouth.

Step 6. Rub an ice cube (you stole from the freezer) all over your lips to further ensure you will have little to no feeling in that area. 

Step 7. Enter the room and grab the dog’s snout to gain control of the situation.

Step 8. Proceed to tongue the dog. The numbness should dull the physical and mental pain of the task at hand.

Step 9. Collect 60 bucks from shocked friends! Cha-ching!