WANNA KNOW HOW TRULY PATHETIC I AM?

So the wife goes to bed early on a work night. Which means in our small one bedroom (that I pay way too much for) I really have just two choices of activity. Surf porn or watch TV. Rest easy mommy bloggers this is not a tale of me googling to ogle flesh. This is about me secretly emulating one of my favorite characters on primetime TV. I’m talkin’ about badass Tommy Gavin (Dennis Leary), star of the F/X hit fireman drama Rescue Me.

Whoa! Whoa! Don’t go anywhere. You don’t have to be a viewer of the series to understand how truly pathetic I am. Well actually, you need to know a wee bit about Dennis's character. Tommy is a fireman that fears no fire, but is totally scared of dealing with day-to-day life sober. He’s an alcoholic. And I know this is a terrible, terrible thing. Honestly, the show does a great job of portraying the true heartache and suffering that comes standard with this type of addiction. Though deep down I got to admit Dennis Leary looks pretty F—ing cool when swigging an entire bottle of whisky. That’s the kind of machismo I want coursing through my veins.

So much so, that at 12ish in the morning I do something that NO OTHER ADULT ON THE PLANET WOULD EVER THINK OF DOING. What I do is similar to those 5 yr olds banished to play outside (away from their video games). They use their imagination to become policemen. Superheroes. Twilight dudes. Whatever. I do the same thing. Only the 2 pathetic differences are... 

- I’m 39

- I’m pretending to be an angry fireman drinking booze in my boxers and tshirt.

 Oh, and last but most important, I use diet ginger ale in place of the hard stuff. Just one sip of whisky would make me puke my guts up.  So no more exposition. I’ll just let you gaze at my pathetic-ness and judge for yourself.