Sunday, January 9, 2011

HOW TO COPY YOUR PRIVATE AREA WITHOUT SUSTAINING MAJOR INJURY


Probably should’ve posted this one during the X-mas party season. Oh well, guess that’s one to grow on. Before you attempt such an act make sure you have the following supplies…

- Sturdy copy machine

- A spotter (a friend you can trust)

- 1 box full of copy paper

- Windex® (glass cleaner)

- 2 to 4 sheets of paper towels

- Your private area (penis or vagina)

REMEMBER: Most likely you are not a sober gymnast. You are an inebriated 30 plus individual that can bruise easily as well as break valuable office equipment. 

Step 1. Push carton of paper near copy machine (lifting it might cause a hernia).


Step 2. With the help of a spotter (friend), use the box of paper to step up to the copy machine.


Step 3. To prevent destruction of company property pull your pants/skirt halfway down your body.


Step 4. Place yourself on glass and slightly remove undies or boxers.


Step 5. Copy your private area.


Step 6. After you're done, wipe down thoroughly with glass cleaner and paper towels.

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40 comments:

  1. Way back when in the olden days when they first came out with "copy machines", I was working late one evening and no one was around and I copies my boobs. I thought I was blind from the bright flashing light because I was young and stupid and forgot to close my eyes. The picture came out pretty good. No idea where it went to or who has it. One of the many, many reasons I can't run for public office. hahaha

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  2. how does one get away with doing this and NOT get caught or have an eyewitness!

    funny post as always.

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  3. Damn! I always forget that Windex step.

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  4. See, I think that's why people always end up breaking the glass and stabbing their asshole with many shards of embarrassment and regret: THEY FORGET A SPOTTER. Never go it alone! :)

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  5. Great guide there, i'm expecting the one where you show us how it's properly done :)

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  6. I would like a real life demonstration, if you please.

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  7. I can see it now, a copy lands on your Supervisors desk...the picture will say it all "your a dick". Love this :0D

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  8. you forgot the last step:

    copy said copy of your genitalia and wallpaper your boss' office, then come back the next morning and demand, "where's my raise?! i did this for YOU."

    pis.s. THANKS FOR MAKING ME BLOG OF THE DAY!

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  9. good job. You not posting this earlier means that there are at least 20 people with broken genitals and/or copy machines.

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  10. It's *always* good to have Windex on hand! Especially for the inebriated 30+ individual. LOL Informative post, as always.

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  11. haha It seemes some of our fellow bloggers are really craving for the "live demonstration" well aint that something to think about...hilarious post as always! I dont think I could do this, not because I wont, but I´m to heavy haha and I would probably end up breaking the box I´m stepping in and copying my ass..on the floor xP

    Greetings
    Andy

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  12. I don't see the point of the spotter, really...

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  13. Clean it for the next inebriated person who wants to copy their private parts? Considerate!

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  14. hahaha nice...gotta remember that

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  15. Excellent, I was thinking of photocopying my junk and i kept getting in trouble taking picture of my cock at my desk. Maybe my boss will prefer i just use the photocopier; I am cleaning after all!

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  16. omg too funny and thank you for the instructions should i ever be that drunk i'll try to remember this.

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  17. great "tips and tricks" xD I'll try this

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  18. How considerate...to clean up afterwards!

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  19. You should get a Public Service Award for this one from the Insurance Institute...you probably just saved them millions in claims!

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  20. Thanks! I was looking for something to do today.

    Now I just have to find a copy machine....haha.

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  21. Love the bling in step 3

    lifeformation.blogspot.com

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  22. i just need that machine :D to try this!

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  23. I'm going to try this when I go to the school's copy center :D

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  24. a good green alternative is to just take a picture of your genitals with a camera phone, and then send it electronically.

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  25. Now i need to find a good spotter!

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  26. I wish I had seen this BEFORE I was laid off. Now how am I going to hilariously photocopy my abnormally large genitalia???

    Public library, here I come!

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  27. mahahah great turtorial
    might actually try it myself

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  28. WHAT IS THIS?!?!? A TUTORIAL FOR STICK FIGURES?!?!

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  29. Is the spotter a "lookout" too? And shouldn't you clean the glass before you put your pecker on it? Just curious. Not everyone is good enough to clean up after themselves and haven't you been avoiding crabby Carla in the mailroom for this exact reason?

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  30. Oh that's what the Windex is for. I have a dirty mind.

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  31. I'm thinking you know way too much about this to be totally innocent here.

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  32. A looong time ago a girl we worked with copied her boobs and left the copy in the machine of course. One problem...
    She also copied her necklace that she wore almost everyday to work! BUSTED!

    Thanks for Standard Operating Procedures for this task...

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