Sorry to play the bitter old man card, but ‘c’mon – wouldn’t it be fun? I mean have you seen these terrors at the mall? They roam in packs. They giggle the whole time. They run way too fast with icy (stainable) drinks. Oh, and they throw gum in the wishing fountain! How much more evidence do you need?
Anyhow, here’s how I plan to MAKE TWEENS CRAP THEIR PANTS IN FEAR AT THE MALL.
Step 1. Go to the mall.
Step 2. Strategically place yourself in front of a gaggle of swarming tweens.
Step 3. Let kids slam in to you.
Step 4. Hold your face in pain while secretly inserting your special contact lenses.
Step 5. Proceed to scare the crap out of tweens.