OH YOU CRAZY WHITE PRIVILEGED TEENS WITH YOUR VODKA SOAKED TAMPONS

If you just gagged or threw up a bit in your mouth – my apologies. Sadly this is true. Apparently today’s teens don’t even need a mouth to get their buzz on. All they have to do is purchase the following...

THE NAME PRETTY MUCH SAYS IT ALL

The kids start by taking the tampon and giving it a generous dunk in some vodka. Then they either insert it into the vajayjay or rectum. I’m sure you can figure out what sex does what.

2 common myths about the ol’ tampon in the vagina/rectum routine:

My mom and dad won’t know I’m drunk ‘cause I don’t have alcohol on my breath.

FALSE: When large doses of alcohol enter the bloodstream the body will try and rid it any way it can (like forcing it through the lungs and out of the other hole with teeth).

Alcohol in my rectum or vagina actually helps to clean myself down there.

FALSE: It can cause you to have a burning sensation or worse – leak blood.

HEY, IF THE DOCTORS TALK ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE!