Saturday, January 29, 2011

MAKE TWEENS CRAP THEIR PANTS IN FEAR AT THE MALL (part 2)


Sorry to play the bitter old man card, but ‘c’mon – wouldn’t it be fun? I mean have you seen these terrors at the mall? They roam in packs. They giggle the whole time. They run way too fast with icy (stainable) drinks. Oh, and they throw gum in the wishing fountain! How much more evidence do you need?

Anyhow, here’s how I plan to MAKE TWEENS CRAP THEIR PANTS IN FEAR AT THE MALL.  


Step 1. Go to the mall.


Step 2. Strategically place yourself in front of a gaggle of swarming tweens.


Step 3. Let kids slam in to you.


Step 4. Hold your face in pain while secretly inserting your special contact lenses. 


Step 5. Proceed to scare the crap out of tweens.


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32 comments:

  1. That's even more awesome than it is juvenile ;)

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  2. And teens today won't remember Limp Bizkit either! clever.

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  3. Now that is funny!! I would pay to see that.

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  4. lol ill be in the mall today, good idea!

    blundersfrom6foot2.blogspot.com

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  5. Bwhahahaha....this could have a serious backlash though..they could mistake you for a hungry Cullen and cling to you like Spandex..just a thought!

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  6. Oh snap, if I could wear contacts I would so buy a pair of those.

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  7. hey, who's the girl in the middle of the 'step 2' picture? she is ADORABLE!

    and can i come to the mall too? i have red contacts that make your eyes look like they're bleeding, and i hate children.

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  8. they look so cool. but they are too expensive

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  9. My eyes are in great shape, but having read this, I may have to buy some blood red contacts and take a trip to the mall today...

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  10. IRL troll

    http://ectomorphmuscle.blogspot.com/

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  11. I definitely feel your pain. I once had a college professor who fervently argued for the abolition of child labor laws so that there would be less "tweens" at the mall. Thanks you for making me new blog of the day. It is a very great honor. I put a link about it at the top of the sidebar on my blog... That will probably not help you very much, but hey...it's the thought that counts, I suppose. Anywho, I love your blog. Thank you very much, Mr. Jesse A. Cohen. Have a great day, and in the words of the immortal Casey Kasem "Keep your feet on the ground, but keep reaching for the stars!"

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  12. Althought the idea is a good one, I want the contacts for scaring kids on a day to day basis...

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  13. I want those contacts for my children start fighting! Also it would be nice to sit in the back yard and scare the neighbor kids.

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  14. Ya mama wat is wrong with the world?

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  15. While the black out contacts are quite freaky, I think the white out ones are worse.

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  16. kewl

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    therichesthappiest.blogspot.com

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  17. It's easier to ward them off with pants hitched up to your belly button.

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  18. hahaha that would seriously make them freakout!

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  19. I kind of like the black-eyed look. Mysterious.

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  20. Oh god that picture of the bearded guy with the contacts

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  21. wow how cool are those eyes. how much fun to scare the kiddies

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  22. I had a wide smile at step 5. Good stuff, well worth the $26.

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  23. LOVE it!!! Make those tweens cwap their pants!! YES!!! I will stand in front to get the best seat!

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  24. Retarded. Contacts can't be inserted so quickly.

    I frown.

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  25. First time I visit your blog! Love it! Your pics are so beautiful!Such a stunning picture, gorgeous!!
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