For all those who are thinking “wasted,” you are right (7 vodka tonics worth). However, that’s not what shvitzing means. It is a Yiddish term that refers to sweating your b*lls off (or the equivalent if you’re a lady). Here’s a complete rundown of WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AT THE JEWISH WEDDING LAST NIGHT.
6:30PM – Jews wait for the wedding to start while complaining about the heat and how long it took to get to the catering hall.
7:05 – Wedding begins (usually classical music from a non-Nazi sympathizer is played – No WAGNER)
7:18 – Ceremony is finished (symbolized by the groom stepping on a glass).
7:19 – Hungry Jews crowd the buffet table and all the non Jew dates hit the bar (sorry, just an observation).
8:30 – Everyone goes to their tables
8:34 – Wedding band introduces the happy couple
8:48 – Couple does the first dance (again no Nazi sympathizer music)
9:05 – Everyone does the circle dance to the song Hava Naglia.
9:15 – Bride and groom get lifted in the chairs
9:25 – Sweaty Jews finish the dance and then go to eat salads (that are already on the table).
9:50 – White people dancing occurs (to Motown and 80s music).
10:30 – Speeches (by wedding party).
10:45 – More “white people” dancing.
11:30 – Main course is served (Please Note: I usually order the fish).
11:45 – Relatives head over to the bride and groom table to hand them envelopes filled with money.
12:00AM – Even more “white people” dancing.
12:30 – Cake and Sanka (coffee) are served.
12:45 – Bride and groom thank everyone for coming.
1:00AM – People talk about how sweaty they are and complain about the possible traffic they will face going home.