BEST TISSUES TO USE POST-MASTURBATION

Straight. Gay. Sheep lover. It doesn’t matter what fantasy you use for your solo act. In the end we guys are all left with the same mess – An unsightly puddle of creamy Italian [Sorry ladies].

Now some will say an old sock or underwear is the way to go. I just feel like you’re making more problems for yourself using stuff like that. For one thing you can't throw out a sock every time you jerk-off (unless you're Donald Trump – nice visual). And you know you’re not going to wash it every time. Especially at 1:30am when you’re shirtless in front of your laptop and the wife is asleep (just a made-up example that relates in no way to my life).

So why do I like tissues? My main reason is their disposable. Just wipe, toss, and flush. So without further adieu here are my top Spank-tacular picks.

SCOTTIES® FACIAL TISSUE: The strongest of the bunch. I get absolutely no GOO-GRABBERS. Those are the tiny pieces of sperm stained tissues that latch on to your um little head. They stick on just like when you use a tissue for a shaving cut…and believe me they are just as hard to get off. The other reason is that Scotties® tissues are hypoallergenic. Meaning there’s no annoying scent and no chance my sensitive skin will get a rash.

PUFFS®: Even though I’m not big on the smell, I’m ok that the tissues are laced with lotion. It makes for an easier, smoother wipe. Though BE WARNED this tissue is lacking in strength so you will get a fair number of GOO-GRABBERS.

KLEENEX® Travel Packs: These are great for on-the-go-spanks like hotel bathrooms or your parent inlaws’ guest room (don’t ask). Strengthwise it’s a solid tissue. To me, it’s just a tad too soft. Which I feel slows down cleanup a wee(wee) bit.