GREENLAND SCIENTISTS CREATE FIRST SELF-REPLICATING WIENER

Dr. Kraus Volstalb and lifelong partner Dr. Helmut Gratunbarg reported the incredible news to Genome Science Quarterly earlier this week.

“We are elated that our years of experiments and research have finally paid off,” proclaimed Volstalb.

Helmut went on to discuss the ramifications of the self-replicating discovery.

“Hotdogs are just the beginning, we are now in the stages of trying to replicate simple organic entities like grains and vegetables. Our goal is to help cut food bill costs, plus feed third world nations.”

WHAT IS THE MULTI-WIENER?

It’s the next level of cloning. Essentially the hot dog is combined with an amoeba on a cellular level. Introducing this parasitic-protozoan into the hot dog’s genetic makeup literally gives it the ability to split and self-replicate.

HOW IT WORKS

You simply leave your multi-wiener on the plate. The oxygen will then causes the wiener to reproduce a perfect genetic copy of itself. Within 2 hours you will have 6 to 7 wieners ready to cook. So far the only drawbacks is the pinkish hue the dogs exhibit. Other than that they taste like the real thing and are perfectly safe to ingest.

WHY YOU WON’T SEE THIS HOT DOG AT A 4^TH OF JULY BBQ

Religious activists are already lobbying against this type of research to be started in the U.S. They feel it’s only a matter time before testing is done on embryonic subjects. No word If any legislation has come out of capitol hill, but political activists say this would fall in the area of  stem cell research. One of the most highly controversial areas of study that had been previously banned in the US.

ONE MORE THING…

Shortly after my posting I was lucky enough to receive a comment from an assistant on the actual research team. He offers up some pretty startling new revelations. Enjoy.