Wednesday, December 22, 2010

FOR ARGUMENT SAKE LET’S SAY YOU WANNA TRANQ SANTA


Sure you could ask Santa to bring your kid a Furby….

…Or a LEGO missile launcher, 
...but honestly, wouldn't your kid rather have old Saint Nick himself? Think about all the benefits of keeping a real live Santa –
  • He can create any toy you want
  • He’s first cousins to Jesus (ask him lots of tough questions)
  • Find out if Jersey Shore cast members are naughty or nice
  • Play with his magic sack


HOW DO YOU TRAP A SANTA?
Lacing cookies and milk won’t cut it. The jolly fat man probably has centuries of practice sniffing that trick out. I’m thinking a high-powered tranquilizer gun is the only way to go. It'll take down Santa (or a rhino) before he can escape through the chimney. Here are my T-GUN choices.  

Rotating rear barrel port for quick loading
Riffled 14 inch fluted stainless steel barrel
Virtually silent dart propulsion
Does NOT require federal firearm license
Conditional Life-time warranty
Lightweight at 3.04 lbs.


Quiet (Virtually Silent)
Incredible Dart range and accuracy
Most Affordable on a per shot basis
Spring loaded rotating butt plate for quick loading.
Lightweight at 8.69 lbs.



($10.75 a 5 Pack)
Made of fortified plastic
Explodes on impact


MY TOP 6 TRANQ (SANTA SEDATIVE) DRUGS OF CHOICE:


- Combelen
- Dormicum
- Fentanly
- Immobilion
- Haloperidol
- Xylazine

PLEASE NOTE: All drugs are fast acting (within 10 seconds of injection), with little or no side effects (nausea, dizziness, death, etc.)

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37 comments:

  1. I would be interested in what my kids would say to Santa.

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  2. Finally, a practical guide to taking the fat man down. Thank you sir.

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  3. Combelen has been getting me laid since the late 90s...

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  4. If you want to keep the real live santa then you have to feed the fat fuk.

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  5. Something I've always wanted to know how to do but never thought I'd find out how....

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  6. I had no idea Jesus and Santa were cousins!

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  7. I wasn't aware the niceness of Snookie and The Situation was in question.

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  8. Ok..so now you gave me and idea haha...Santa..imma take you down!!

    Greetings
    Andy

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  9. As someone who has been on the naughty list all of his life, how would I trick him into showing up at my house in the first place?

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  10. wow...im with mama didnt know those 2 were cousins????? :)

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  11. what you gonna do to santa when you have him face down?

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  12. I'd never thought you would advocate violence against good ole' Saint Nick. No wonder kids today are screwed.

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  13. Watch out, Santa can really hold a grudge.

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  14. Haha whatever happened to that Furby phase?

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  15. I once used those drugs on my sister. she woke up and accused her boyfriend of rape.

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  16. the rifle is almost my weapon of choice.

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  17. Fentanyl. Good choice!! Why not play with Santa's "magic sack" while he's tranq'd and then let him go? Don't wanna be totally stingy.

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  18. The first image of that passed out Santa is hilarious! Following :)

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  19. sorry I didn't get beyone Play With Santa's Sack LOL

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  20. hahahaha great post. looks like santa crushed some tequila

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  21. this is f'n hysterical. That poor jolly old elf. Drooling on the couch lol

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  22. Me and Santa. One on one. Blind chloroform tag. Winner gets Christmas.

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  23. Hell yeah, that's a good idea, capture santa for ourselves !

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  24. I'm glad someone finally took this subject seriously. When I mention this down at the gun club, they all laugh and make me the target in the shooting range!

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  25. I'm going to print this out and keep it on my fridge, just in case. Thanks for the wonderful ideas!

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  26. Let us know what happens Christmas Eve!

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  27. chloroform santa if you like melee

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  28. i think you're giving some people some ideas...

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  29. That's so unrealistic... It's the elves that make the toys not Santa!

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  30. I'm officially freaked out a little bit... Well as freaked out as a Crazy fucked up Brunette can be anyway...

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  31. Better life through chemicals! I say shoot him with a nice dose of Dilaudid.

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  32. I've always thought Santa worked for Jesus...you know 'cause of the big J being on workers comp. due to the carpentry accident and all. Never knew they were cousins...

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  33. Oilfield Trash made mention of this post in his latest post so I had to come by and see (for next year) how this can be done. I can't stand Santa. Creepy guy climbing down my chimney...I just don't like it.
    Am writing down the names of the drugs. Anything that works within 10 seconds should be stored by my bedside.

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