Yeah, not too crazy about entering my 4th decade of life. So instead of just accepting the inevitable I’m actually going to be proactive about it. I relinquish (or is it renounce?) today as my official birth date. My birthday will now be [F the drum roll] …
The 15th of WENTERBURY
Rest assured the next time I have a decent-sized lunch break I will make this puppy legal. I’ll just saunter down to the ol’ DMV to fill out some forms and wait on some lines.
#1: Wenterbury is a quadra-leap month. That means I won’t turn the “age that must not be named” until 2014.
#2: Wenterbury comes from the Latin word wuintriburius. It means – F*ck you I ain’t turning 40.
#3: After my petition becomes law, feminist Gloria Steinem and comedian / author Bob Saget WILL share my Wenterbury birthday.
#4: Wenterbury sorta rhymes with Scurvy – a pretty nasty disease.
#5: A high concentration of goats will menstruate on my birthday.
#6: The Arrakian Sandworm (from the DUNE universe) can eat 3 quarters of a ton of red meat in one sitting (sorry, couldn't come up with any more Wenterbury facts).
BTW…I haven’t forgotten. If the comments on my previous “Baby Russian” post hits 100 I will go through with what I promised. Oops, looks like it happened?
So... I guess the thing here to do is to wish you a happy not-birthday as you've changed the date. May all your un-wishes come true.
ReplyDelete#2 was the best by the way. I did a bit of a spit take on that one.
Also, Happy Birthday!
Damn! I wish I'd thought of that when I turned 40!
ReplyDeletehaha I literally died with the goat menstruation haha...its ok to turn 40..and you ain´t getting any older just more fashionable!! and fabulous too!...Happy Birthday...save me a piece of cake xD
ReplyDeletehttp://fiercepty.blogspot.com/
Greetings
Andy
Happy Birthday! Don't worry, it's not so bad =P
ReplyDeletehappy birthday..i wont tell
ReplyDeletehttp://wifihighfive.blogspot.com/
Holy crap this is funny! Everyone should share a birthday with Bob Saggett!
ReplyDeleteI thought 39 was just the last birthday you had, and from then on you just had anniversaries of that birthday?
ReplyDeleteYEARRGGGHHH! I'VE DUN CONTRACTED THA SCURVY!
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff. I can totally respect a person who tries to distract me from her age by feeding me unknown sandworm facts. That kind of crazy I can work with and would shave off up to three years for you. But your cells will know. You can never fool your cells. At night, when it is quiet, they will whisper the truth. After all, you will be in your 40s for the next twenty years if history is any judge of your ability to accept the truth about yourself. I am also okay with that.
ReplyDeleteHappy 15th of Wenterbury. It aint so bad. There's some nice people in the club, and we all look (and act) at least a decade younger than we actually are. You'll fit right in.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
Try turning 60 whiner! Seriously, this is a hilarious post.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI turn 30 on Friday, any advice for a whipper-snapper like me? I have these strong urges to yell at kids to get off my lawn, is this normal?
ReplyDeleteur not turning 40...ur turning 30-10
ReplyDeleteAre the kids across the street creeping ever closer to your lawn? Are you getting slightly perturbed at the notion of it?
ReplyDeleteReminds us closer to the time that it's the 14th of Wenterbury so we can all celebrate the dreaded day with you. And stay away from those menstruating goats, that's gonna leave a hell of a mess.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I'm not even 2 decades old yet.
ReplyDeletePS your last poast has 101 comments! Drink up, but don't get a heart attack, old man.
Happy "Day of Refusing to Turn 40"!
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday! You should take a look at my newest post, its about a good AdSense alternative.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday man and remember, you're not getting older, you're getting wiser (hopefully) :)
ReplyDelete40's not so bad; it's the age when you stop caring so much and, Lord, is that liberating.
ReplyDeleteHappy 15th of Wenterbury Jesse! Ummm....40 is the new 30 ya know... well that is what I will tell myself when I turn 40. In 9 years!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to it - er ... wait a minute.
ReplyDeleteNot that I am a pro at being 40 (its only been a few days) but its not so bad...After you get used to the twitching and all I mean..
ReplyDeletehugs...
forever young you are..I think Yoda said that..I may be paraphrasing though.
Oh yeah, menstruating goats, so sexy...um...I mean not sexy. My therapist tells me it's not supposed to be sexy...beastiality laws suck (sigh). Happy Birthday, sort of
ReplyDeleteIsn't 40 supposed to be some kind of prime? Maybe that's for ladies. I'm thrown off from the menstruating on your birthday.
ReplyDeleteyou're twice my age and are involved in a teenage ponzi scheme.
ReplyDeleteI like the note about the goats.
ReplyDeleteWow. You're really old.
ReplyDeleteI thought you were young and cool.
Happy Birthday, you crazy man!!!
Happy Not Birthday since you changed it lol
ReplyDeleteThe secret to aging gracefully in your 40's? Scream and fight your way through so you'll be too tired to care that you're in the 50's. ;)
ReplyDeleteYes, you got 101 comments in the previous post as of now. If you'll pardon the pun... Bottoms up!
Just how does Wenterbury rhyme with anything? Happy Birthday have fun with the Russian ;)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday dude!!!! You should email me your snail mail addy so I can send you one of my snarky cards! That'll make ya feel better!
ReplyDeleteSheesh 40. Such a baby still. ;)
lol'd hard on #2 and #5... hilarious post and happy birthday brother! waiting on that russian!
ReplyDeleteF*ck you I ain’t turning 40. LMAO!! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.
ReplyDeleteFire up the legalzoom.com!
ReplyDeleteHey - that's my birthday too!
ReplyDeleteThey always skip us in the astrology section.
Hey, why didn't I think about that when I turned 40?
ReplyDeleteCrap, did I just admit to being over 40...?
40? No big deal... I've turned 40 dozens of time... it's no big deal!
ReplyDeleteHa! This made me laugh. I especially liked the visual of you "sauntering" down to the DMV with your official papers to announce "Wenterbury" as an official month. You so crazy.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Hysterical....happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteCheers!
happy un-birthday to you, see this time next Wenterbury
ReplyDeleteeveryone refuses after 20! You won't have to see the would destroyed by the greenhouse effect in 80 years or so. Happy birthday:)
ReplyDeleteSo, Happy Brithday? I'm so confused...
ReplyDeleteYou're either gonna have to remind of your next b'day, or get me an updated calendar...
Aren't you ending your fourth decade and starting your fifth decade?
ReplyDeleteRegardless, best regards.
Don't worry, you're not entering the 4th decade of your life - you're entering your fifth!
ReplyDeleteWhen you were a kid that was your first decade; when you were a teen that was your second; when you were in your 20's that was your third; and when you were in your 30's that was your fourth. So yeah, happy birthday and enjoy your 5th decade!