Thursday, December 9, 2010

IF YOU WERE STRANDED IN A BLIZZARD WITH SANTA’S REINDEER IN WHAT ORDER WOULD YOU EAT THEM?


Pencils down. I’ll share my answers first and then you can tell me yours. Oh, and let’s pretend that the blizzard is sooo bad it knocked out the deers’ mutant flying abilities. Think Luke on the planet Hoth. And similar to that situation, your goal here is to try to survive long enough to be rescued.
 
FYI…I got most of my info from the St. Nicholas poem, Wikipedia, and Answers.com.

So let’s get to my reindeer "chow down" list...



#1) Blitzen – The biggest hot head of the bunch. Once I eat her the others should stay in line.

#2) Cupid – The most fun-loving reindeer. I’m guessing the C-man does the least amount of cardio so his meat would probably be the most tender.

#3) Vixen – Friendly. Easy. She should be an easy kill and probably have the second most tender meat.

#4) Donder (Donner) – The next big toughie in the group. If there is any chance of a revolt he’d be the one to most likely to lead it. Kill or be killed. 

#5) Dasher – By now his speed ability would be diminished. Easy pickins for me.

#6) Comet – The perfect opponent to help me gather my strength. Battling Comet to the death might be the conditioning I need to keep me focused and sharp.

#7) Dancer – The most graceful and slimmest of the reindeer. Sadly, she’d have almost no meat on her bones.

#8) Prancer – Proudest of 'em all. A wise leader. I’d really feel bad about eating him, that’s why I’d save Mr. P until pretty much the bitter end.

AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST #9) Rudolph –  I’d use special berries that cause paralysis (Hey, it’s my fantasy world). And then I’d figure out a way to control his nose for warmth and as light to any signal rescue planes.  



BTW…The deluxe Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 3 Blue-ray Disc set is only $33.74 @ Movies Unlimited. And to all a good night.

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44 comments:

  1. You got that shit all planned out. LMAO

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  2. I think the bigger question is Heinz 57 or A1 steak sauce?

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  3. You are a GENIUS thinking about reserving Rudolph's nose to signal planes about your misfortune. You know that nose wouldn't blink if he was dead. By the time you get to Rudolph, think about how WARM you'd be! Surely you will have made coats, pants & teepees out of the hides of all of those dead deer. It may not be as bad as you think!

    BTW- thanks for making me "blog of the day" on Monday. Youdabomb!

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  4. @autumnforest - I would choose the A1. :D

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  5. So friggin' brilliant, I wish I'd thought of it! I think I'd start with Rudolph. As long as I'm stranded I may as well do away with formalities and start with dessert. And he's clearly got a cherry on top, so he must be dessert.

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  6. this reminds me of The Night Santa Went Crazy by Weird Al.

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  7. i'd eat rudolph first, in hope that his chemical radiance would give me superpowers and i could fly back to civilization. hopefully then i wouldn't have to eat the other reindeer, although it would depend on how good rudolph tasted

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  8. God, I love me some Freaky Freak Shit, and you always deliver...

    I'd make biltong out of those little bastards! and I'd mount their horns on the front on my sleigh to Pimp My Ride!

    Bad Ass Cool!

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  9. Id eat Santa and steal the reindeer sleigh and fly around in his sleigh. I'm sure that Jolly HO would taste good on a nice charcoal barbecue ;)

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  10. before this post I had no idea what the reindeers' names were.

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  11. I would just ride one the reindeer out of the blizzard and back to civilization :)

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  12. While entertaining; this is equally frightening and I worry that you have this so well thought out. O_o

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  13. I would make them battle gladiator style, and eat the loser each round. Also, thanks for making me blog of the day, that's pretty sweet.

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  14. You're missing a fundamental option here.

    Cook them all at once = All you can eat buffet

    :D

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  15. You have this so well thought out I would just use the list you have :)

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  16. Instead of eating the reindeer, couldn't I just split open the fat man and take shelter inside him until rescue arrives? (a la Luke and the Tonton)

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  17. haha...you are so right about rudolph...though I will eat Donder...cause I have no idea he existed until now..so for me he is like the John Doe reindeer no one will miss him haha

    http://fiercepty.blogspot.com/

    Greetings
    Andy

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  18. According to your descriptions on each reindeer, the order should be Blitzen, Donder, Cupid, Vixen, Comet, Dasher, Dancer, and Prancer. I'd keep Rudolph alive and threaten to eat him just to get his nose to light up whenever needed. ;)

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  19. I had no idea Blitzen was a girl reindeer.

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  20. I'm starting with Rudolph because that nose looks like a cherry and I eat dessert first.

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  21. hilarious/genius post... I'd kill Donder since he's likely to lead the revolt... Rudolph part was some MacGuyver shit haha

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  22. I would eat them in the order i could catch them fleeing in terror xD

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  23. Donder?? Never heard of him. He must be the middle child. Good pick for #4. xo

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  24. Hmmm...how does one eat reindeer? Medium rare? Oh wait - if you're eating them in a blizzard, you'll be eating them FROZEN. I don't think you'll get past the first one. All your teeth will be gone.

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  25. This is all wrong. You killed the best one right off the bat. Eventually you will need to get out of there and there is no discounting the quality of the German engineering that Blitzen will bring you. Also Rudolph will be helpful so count them as 7&8. I'd say Dancer and Prancer are the most worthless so eat them. If you cannot get out of there after eating 2 reindeer you aint never getting out so you might as well impale yourself on a set of antlers.

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  26. id eat rudolph first...cuz hes a winy bitch

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  27. I wouuldn't eat any of them...I would eat the fat man, he's got the most meat!

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  28. I'd probably just grab the closest one.

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  29. you thought about this alot haven't you?

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  30. You have put the coming holiday in a whole new perspective...I may not sleep tonight. I haven't gotten over the trauma from watching Alive yet, and now THIS!

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  31. Deer meat... Reindeer meat... what's the difference?

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  32. So...how does rein deer taste?

    I can't say I've ever eaten any

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  33. that's a lota meat! haha :P
    I like your idea for using reindeer.. very smart :P

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  34. *rudolf -___- not 'reindeer'
    -___________-; fail..

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  35. I'm not eating any of these things! Don't you know what the elves do them back in the barn?

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