Thursday, December 31, 2009


by Eddie Winkle (NWM Staff Writer)

Ok, someone from FOX News (rhymes with Litt Lume) reported that 34% of Americans view the New Year’s kiss as more important than losing weight. Couldn't track down any other post ball drop percentages. However, I did find the following French kiss factors on some SEXpert's forum reply.


Alone with spouse or girlfriend: All bets are off assuming you’ve seen each other naked 1 or a thousand times. Toys? No toys? It’s your choice how you want to introduce yourself to 2010.

At party with spouse or girlfriend: If it’s a mixture of family and friends this SEXpert says you should go with a modified French kiss. Open lipper with a quick insertion and release of tongue. Kiss should last no more than 4 to 5 seconds. That’ll give you enough time for 2 to 3 lip locks. The person did note the kiss level could vary based on the size of the venue and the ability to cloak yourselves from other prying eyes.

Single (heterosexual) person that just met someone: Since it’s safe to say that both of you most likely had at least 1 or 10 cocktails, it’d probably be the gentlemen thing to let the lady be the leader in this decision. Last thing you want is confusion or drunken anger before you even make a 1st legitimate date. Plus, if her muscle-head boyfriend was in the bathroom there’s your other reason.

Single (homosexual) person: The SEXpert here says it’s probably best to just see the intensity of feelings up to that point. If you’re both feeling it, tongue away. Though like above, keep in mind that the seven “whatevers” you just downed might play into it as well. But hey, it’s midnight, there’s confetti and Seacrest is on TV, who gives a %$#%!

FYI…Evolutionary biologists say that French kissing has a real honest to God function: to explore the sexual partner's immune system via the saliva.

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