Sunday, December 12, 2010

WHERE THE HELL CAN I BUY A HALFWAY DECENT BABY JESUS?


Seeing as I’m a Jew from New York (how many times am I going to belabor that point for comic relief?) I’ve never really had too much contact with Baby Jesus. My first memories of J. jr. was when I watched the 1977 TV special Nestor the Donkey. Essentially it was one of those Rudolph knockoffs. Only instead of it being the classic tale about a deer with a deviated septum, this was about a donkey with extra long ears. Eventually (just like Rudolph) Nestor was able to use his deformity for good. The Virgin Mary hitched a ride on his back and used Nestor’s ears to shield her during a sandstorm. 
The show ended with the classic manger scene of Virgin Mary giving birth to Baby Jesus. Since then I’ve seen numerous Baby Jesus sightings. Probably the most  common is when the local fluff newscaster interviews kids reenacting the birth of Christ for their Christmas pageants. Which brings me to my question…WHERE DOES ONE SCORE A BABY JESUS? 

DUDE, YOU CAN USE ANY OLD DOLL
I’m thinking no. You can’t use any old version of the American flag for sporting events or burnings. They need to be regulation size and even folded a certain way. 
And that’s just a piece of cloth. We’re talking about the son of God here.  Unfortunately it was slim pickings on the net. Here’s all I came up with.

12″ long.
Baby wrapped in swaddling clothes.
Embroidered sleeping baby face.


Limited edition piece
In mint condition
Wooden Crib included



13” soft vinyl doll
Also available in Caucasian, Hispanic, and Latino,
Manger included

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30 comments:

  1. Try Walmart, they sell fucking damn near everything.

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  2. I'm thinking you could get him and at any Moses knock-off store.

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  3. Hahaha these are some pretty pathetic baby Jesuses. Jesuses? I don't think Jesus has a plural form... oh well.

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  4. This time of the year they sell them cheap.

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  5. The first one wouldn't fit in the old days.. I mean, check out the swaddling clothes!

    The second one might be Jesus, but I still don't think it's a reasonable excuse for him to have longer hair than me!

    About the third one, I'm not racist, but like it or not, Jesus was caucasian and it's a known and proven fact!

    What's wrong in this world?!

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  6. Ew, creepy baby jesus porcelain doll!!
    Slim pickins there, for sure. I'm with OT. Try wal mart. Of course, you've probably already been there, since they are cheap and all (insert insinuation about stereotypical jewish folk here)

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  7. BTW, I like how you ask "where the hell" since I'm pretty sure baby jesus isn't chillin with satan.

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  8. the african america baby made me smile.

    On a more serious note, i thought the Hebrew religion didn't have baby J, or am I mistaken here

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  9. Wee Plush Baby Jesus had ginger hair!??!!? Fucking A!

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  10. Go to Jesuses R Us. (It's at the mall.)

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  11. did you notice the black baby jesus is wearing a cross. "child, your execution is foretold. wear this symbol of it"

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  12. hm, i dont know how baby jesus looks like? :D

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  13. that porcelain doll looks so creppy lol. I can't believe they don't have an Asian baby jesus doll available!

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  14. I think there's a web site for that.

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  15. Wow...I would have to say none of the 3 fit the bill. Now you've got me pondering the thought. Where does one find a baby Jesus?

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  16. All of those dolls are creeping me out!

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  17. Just what are you going to be doing with this baby Jesus?

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  18. Baby Jesus was Jewish too, so an anatomically correct doll would be circumcised. xo

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  19. that porcelain doll is going to give me nightmares for days to come...

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  20. You need to get the black jesus.
    You NEED to.

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  21. Claymation wasmy favorite, I love the spoofs they do now days

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  22. they all just seem so incredibly wrong!

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  23. So weird and creepy on so many levels

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  24. Bwhahaha....IDK, but the porcelain one is really creepy!

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  25. Why not contact one of your local baby jesus "rescue" organizations? It's kind of like rabbits after easter, people buy 'em for the holiday and then don't want 'em anymore. The animal shelters are full.

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  26. I'd like a hardcore Jesus action figure.

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  27. It's too bad they don't have that anatomically correct baby boy doll, Joey Stivic (from All in the Family) around anymore, eh?

    My sister still has hers. Yup. Collector's item, even. Worth over $700. She won't part with it.

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