Tuesday, September 29, 2009


by Jani Ogglin (NWM Staff Writer)

Here we are in the thick of fall and the job market is still as sucky as the summer. That is if you’re going after those cushy, clean-cut, 9 to 5 positions that involve a desk, paperwork and water-cooler banter. Now if you don’t mind getting a little dirt under the fingernails (and every orifice) you’ve got a world of crappy job options.

Poultry Processor (salary range: $16,000-$30,000)
: Essentially you’d be helping to add more processed chicken to the world. Your job? Working on chicken death row. Killing, cleaning, feather plucking and If that’s not enough – ripping out gizzards.

Lift-pump remover (Salary range: $22,000-63,000): The good news is you get paid to swim. The bad news, you’re not surrounded by Baywatch beauties or even the Hoff. You’re the guy (or gal) that dives into muck and filth to clean out jammed pumps in raw sewage treatment plants.

Animal semen collector (Salary range: $17,000-$54,000): Title says it all. Though, in case you’re curious, the animals in question are bulls, pigs, goats and turkeys.

Crime-scene cleaner (Salary range: $25,000-$68,000): I love watching those gritty cop dramas where they take you through a murder scene. Show you the blood splattering and guts smeared on the walls. My only question was who cleans the sh-t up after the badges leave? Now I know. Bloody awful job, but decent benefits and a 401K.

Odor judge (Salary range: $19,000-$52,000): You get paid to sniff anything from armpits to smelly feet. All in the name of product consumer testing. God forbid any defective deodorant or foot powder hits the shelves. At least not on your watch. 

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