PARANORMAL ACTIVITY…YOU WILL HAVE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC!

by Joshen McEwen (NWM Staff Writer)

I saw a movie generating a ton of buzz around the cyber world, and on the film scene. The movie in question is Paranormal Activity, which is a mockumentary about a couple being haunted. The film relies heavily on its story and its actors rather than its budget to keep the viewer enticed. While I found the film more funny than scary, it was entertaining and it worked. The film presented the viewer with a classic problem and twisted it to make it impossible to solve. Rather than being haunted and possessed by a ghost, our main characters were being tormented by a demon. Now some us say tomato, potato what’s the difference? The difference is that demons seem to be much more dangerous, and we can't just call in the good old catholic priest to exorcise them. Through the magic of Google I have once again compiled for you a 4 step list on dealing with Demons and Ghosts.

 

WHEN DEALING WITH A GHOST:

1) Remain emotionally neutral. It seems that ghosts have no power in the physical realm. You have the power and should remain in control. They feed off the energy you provide, so stop cowering, stop complaining, don’t shout or get angry and get ready for number 2.

2) Simply ask the Ghost in a stern voice to leave. Tell the ghost this is your domain and they are not welcome – so please leave. Simple. Don’t yell. Don’t scream. Don’t try to get all Oujia board, séance, witchcraft technical. Just be calm and polite. Tell that ghost to leave

3) There seems to be a common trend with alerting a ghost that they have died and it’s time to go.“Mr. Ghost you have died, It’s time for you to go on. Time to leave my house. Please leave.” If I died I would like someone to give it to me straight and let me know. "Hey dude you’re dead, go figure out your life."

4) All else fails call up a priest who will handle your problem – Exorcism style. Make sure you buy some plastic covers for the projectile vomit.

 

NOW TO GET RID OF A DEMON:

1) Oddly enough it comes back to authority, you must (in the name of the highest spiritual authority) be that yourself or some type of God tell the demon to leave.

2) Mean it, don’t tell the demon to leave in the name of Sponge Bob and you know you don’t really believe in Sponge Bob.

3) Call up a demonologist and let them handle it

4) Live with it. Assign it chores and force it to pay rent, it will eventually leave when it finds a better place. Though in this economy, that might be a long while.