Thursday, October 8, 2009


by Greg Colfaz (NWM Staff Writer)

Hey from Cottonwood, Idaho. So there’s this guy (Doug) at my supermarket that works in the back. He’s one of the people in charge of restocking inventory when we’re low on cans or dry good products. Really nice guy. He’s invited me to his house to watch the games. Usually a sweet time, ‘cause his roommate has a big screen and NFL Sunday Ticket. My only issue with Doug is his lunch habits. Since he lives close by, Doug sometimes goes home to – how should I put this? Gets baked. Now being a twenty something, 2state traveler I have no issues with this extracurricular activity. Hell, I’ve partaken in the ganja from time to time. Great stress reliever. My issue is when he gets back to work he’s useless. He never remembers anything I tell him. So I wind up getting in trouble with the boss-man. Now if I knew Doug was stoned ahead of time I’d asked the other guy (Larry) to restock the shelves. Unfortunately, outside of a social situation I lose all of my easy tells. Doug’s not munching on 8 bags of chips. And he’s’ not experience any giggling fits. He’s at work so he’s trying to keep all of that under control. Of course after much research (dealing with Doug for a month) I finally found one sure-fire tell. Not only does it clue you in to if the person is stoned, but also the level of baked-ness. I refer to it as Ocular Diameter Detection (watching for droopy eyelids). Here are the 3 measurements that work for me (you might need to adjust, depending on the person’s tolerance):

¼ eyelid droop: capable of certain low-level tasks at all times.

½ eyelid droop: will be semi-functional by end of day.

¾ eyelid droop: avoid.

Much easier to tell in this situation...

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