Thursday, October 7, 2010

MY HOT NEW FAD DIET: FINGERING JARS


Hey, my diet pretty much does the same 3 things all those other flashy fad diets provide…
  1. A viable way to get nutrients
  2. Offers low calorie meal options
  3. Helps with portion control


The hook of my diet is you’re limiting your carb intake. Which is pretty much the easiest way to lose weight – just like Atkins. The difference is you don’t have to ingest massive quantities of cholesterol-saturated red meats. Plus you hardly need to cook anything. As far as I cal tell, the only drawback of my JAR FINGERING diet is its NOT approved by any doctor yet (a minor setback that I intend to correct).

So here it is, the sample day menu. Enjoy.

BREAKFAST:
Generously finger Philly Whipped Cream Cheese container 4 to 5 times.
Enjoy a 1/2 a glass of orange juice.
Nutrition Info:
Fat: 8 grams
Calories: 225


Nutrients: Protein, vitamin A, C and Calcium


LUNCH:
Generously finger both Hellmann’s Reduced Fat Mayonnaise and Gulden’s Spicy Mustard 6 to 8 times. Wash everything down with a refreshing can of Diet Coke/Pepsi or sparkling soda.

Nutritional info (based on both jars):
Calories: 160
Fat: 8 grams


DINNER:
Have something sensible.



DESSERT:

Generously finger Cool Whip Free (and top with a squirt of Hershey’s chocolate syrup) 6 times.

Fat: 0 grams
Calories: 310
Beverage: Coffee (Sanka)

Nutrients: Fiber

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8 comments:

  1. This is 72.8% fucking brilliant!

    why didn't I think of this??

    ReplyDelete
  2. >JAR FINGERING diet is its NOT approved by any doctor yet (a minor setback that I intend to correct).
    YOU HAVE MY SWORD.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You said FINGER! Anyways, I am all about that diet.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That picture you have of the finger... I don't think it's following the rules you outlined months back for properly using your fingers for eating.

    http://jesseacohen.blogspot.com/2010/04/how-to-properly-finger-peanut-butter.html

    As you'll see you clearly say use two fingers.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am guilty as charged and have been doing that to cool whip since I was a kid.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm impressed! Why has no one thought of this before? I'm totally going to finger jars instead of this whole 'healthy eating' biz!

    ReplyDelete

 
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