Thursday, November 11, 2010

THE ONLY TIME IT’S OK TO PICK YOUR NOSE AND EAT IT (part 2)


Originally I came up with what I thought was the ONLY scenario that validated the need to pick and eat what’s in your nose. I was wrong. While walking to work I came up with reason #2.

PRELUDE TO THE PICK

Again, you are a bit down on your luck in the money department. As a result you took a bad loan from a Russian loan shark who was a former KGB agent. 

Unfortunately you missed a couple of payments. So as a result the ex-KGB guy chloroforms your ass and drags you to his lair. 

NO MORE STALLING, HERE IS THE PICKING AND EATING PART.
You wake up and notice you’re tied up. 
Next to you is an old fashion scale. On the plate closest to you is a bag of drugs with a knife. On the other plate are coins. 
You noticed the scale is balanced so the knife is just out of reach. Suddenly the KGB loan shark approaches you with his henchman. 

YURI: Should we kill him boss?

LOAN SHARK: Yeah, put a bullet in this no-good-nik’s skull.

[You close your eyes waiting to die. Luckily you just hear empty clicks from the gun.]

YURI: Dang?!!

LOAN SHARK: What is it?

YURI: No bullets.

LOAN SHARK: Idiot! Come! Let’s go to bullet store.

[Loan shark stares right at you.]

LOAN SHARK: We’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.

[They leave]

SORRY, HERE IS THE REAL PICKING AND EATING PART.
You managed to get one hand semi-free, but it’s near your face. The other hand is next to the scale. You have no time to waste. You start spitting on the other scale plate. Your hope is to weigh it down so the plate with the knife will raise close enough for your hand to grab it. Unfortunately you realize your loogies barely have any weight. So at this point there is only one thing left to do. YOU NEED TO PICK YOUR NOSE AND EAT IT in order to create heavier spit. You do just that and the knife comes close enough for you to reach it. You grab it, cut yourself free, and escape with your life.

I dare you to find holes in this logic!

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43 comments:

  1. The only way this post could have been better was if that pic of the woman tied up and gagged was Rachel Maddow.

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  2. hahaha, I'll take it in count, lol

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  3. you've got some very interesting thoughts

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  4. I love how his name is Yuri. That's great I'm surprised you didn't name him Nikolai.

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  5. nice blog.. have a view of my blog when free.. http://www.lonelyreload.blogspot.com .. do leave me some comment / guide if can.. if interested can follow my blog...

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  6. Seriously how do you come up with these scenarios? Classic. Don't think I'll ever be able to pick my nose the same again! ;-)

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  7. I see many flaws. This is all based on luck. Plus you have to live in Russia. Should have made the post in Russian.

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  8. Oh, my!! This is hysterical! I just wanted to drop by and thank you for visiting and following my blog. I really appreciate it! I'm so glad you did, your site is terrific! I'm following you back, cheers!!

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  9. this post is interesting...good work man

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  10. They are my buggers...I can eat them if I want to!

    Thank goddess I don't want to eat them.

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  11. Wow MacGyver! Good to know. Good. to. know.

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  12. It's solid. I have read it through and I can find no fault in your logic. Hopefully it'll never come to that.

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  13. love that picture of the queen. digging for gold, priceless...

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  14. You mean it's not OK to pick your nose and eat it?

    ;)

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  15. I think, despite the fact that I just gagged.....you are too freakin' funny, and I don't know how your mind works...but it is quite a ride to come and read here every day!

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  16. Better hope that the bullet store isn't close by, cause it would take a while to pick and spit that many boogies.

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  17. looking forward to your next update

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  18. I just wish you'd posted this last week, before I was in the exact same predicament. Thank goodness I thought of other ways to create heavier spit. xo

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  19. The adult industry has made all kinds of bizarre porn from peeing on people to sex with midgets, clowns and guys wearing huge prosthetic penis hands. Hell they even have an entire movie dedicated to pussy farts:
    http://www.adultfilmdatabase.com/video.cfm?videoid=84778

    So why hasn't there been a nose-picking porno yet?!

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  20. There are occasions when its not acceptable to pick your nose and eat it?

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  21. In keeping with my "YOUR COMMENTS ARE MY CRACK" comment I realized I needed to come and see what you have come up with recently in that interesting brain of yours!
    (Feel loved....This is the first blog I have read in at least 2 weeks!!)
    All I can say is.... PLEASE do not ever share this logic with my son.
    And since when do Russians say "No-Good-Nik"? Thought that was an Italian phrase?
    I guess you learn something new every day!

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  22. I always try to be candid when I pick my nose

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  23. But if one of your hands is semi-free, you could just flick the booger onto the scale without eating it. So there is no possible excuse: if you eat your booger, you go to hell.

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  24. In this situation you don't need to eat it and you don't need to flick it. You need to use your hand to close your other nostril and then shoot it out of your nose onto the plate. I've never done it myself, but i've heard about it...

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