THE ONLY TIME IT’S OK TO PICK YOUR NOSE AND EAT IT.

Ok. I’ll admit it. On occasion I do clean house with the ol’ pointer finger. Look, there are some times the tissue ain’t gonna cut it. Now I know what logical questions are floating around in your brain matter, and it’s a resounding “NO!” I do not eat or fling my boogers. I simply dispose of them in a tissue, on a post-it, or flick it in the toilet. [A flick is way different than a fling.] Anyway, the last time I did the digging deed it got me thinking­ – When would it be socially acceptable to pick your nose and eat your snot?

Can’t be the whole desert island thing. Snot has no nutrients that could sustain life for any amount of time.

AS a kid you could do the pick and eat, but it is frowned upon by the adult world.

This quandary has really been a toughie that has plagued me for quite sometime, that is until now.

PRELUDE TO THE PICK & EAT.

Imagine you have a really bad cold. Your head is achy. You have a nagging cough. You’re always sneezing. And yes, you have a constant stuffy nose.

Now also imagine that you did something bad to piss off a couple of former Soviet KGB agents. I use those guys because I feel like they would be most creative with their tortures. Plus they know how to hold a grudge.

PICK & EAT IS ALMOST A GO.

One last imagination part. You wake up in a clear Lucite box that is upright. You were obviously drugged and placed in it by the angry KGB guys. This plastic prison barely has enough space to contain you. Your hands are jammed up near your face. The good news is there are small pinholes in the box right over your head for oxygen. The bad news is there's a bigger hole by your feet. In that hole the former KGB have placed a hose that they have turned on. The box is now filling up with water ‘til it is just above your mouth. Your nose is still in the open air.

NO MORE STALLING, HERE IS THE PICKING AND EATING PART.

The KGB men have now left you. [They went down the street to a restaurant for bowls of borscht.] So you are left alone and expected to die. UNLESS. The only way you can survive is to clear that stuffy nose. So you will need to pick it. And since your hands can barely move it will make it hard to fling the boogers. Plus, you can't afford to let valuable seconds tick away. Your nose will get stuffed up again, making it impossible to breath. SO YES, THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE WOULD BE TO PICK YOUR NOSE AND EAT IT.

I dare you to find holes in that logic.