Thursday, June 24, 2010

LADIES! EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND’S STRIP CLUB LAP DANCE BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK.


Got in trouble for my last post on boob staring with the guy tribunal. Wound up getting my dude-card suspended, but thankfully not revoked. Close call. And now here I am ignoring my warnings and giving you ladies the inside guy-scoop once again. The following transcript is from an actual lapdance. My lapdance. But before we continue let’s just get the, “UGH! YOU ARE SUCH A PIG FOR GOING TO A STRIP CLUB AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THOSE POOR YOUNG  GIRLS!” tirade out of your systems. We done? Good. Let’s continue.

Setting: NAMELESS STRIP CLUB
Reason: Bachelor Party
Time: 11:42 PM

Cast of Characters:
- Me
- Lap dancer
- Drunk friends

I am now 4 beers and 2 shots into the night. FYI…the serious drinking occurred at the previous bar. [Strip clubs tend to overprice their beers.] The music is super loud. Lap dancers are circling the crowd looking for men to dance with. One spots me and heads over.

[I’m sitting at a table with my friends]

Lap Dancer: Hi.

Me: (nervous) Hey.

Lap Dancer: So can I interest you in a lap dance?

Me: (nervous) Um I’m not really sure. I just got here and…

Drunk Friend: NO!! Don’t listen to him!! He wants one. Go dude! Don't be a p*ssy!

Lap Dancer: Don’t be shy. C’mon. [pulls my hand playfully] 

Me: I mean, we just got here and I feel bad leaving the groom-to-be.

Drunk Friend: Dude! Like I could give two sh*ts! GO! GO! She's hot.

Lap Dancer: Oh you're here for a bachelor party? Well I don't think your groom friend would mind if I borrow you for a bit [winks at my friends]. Follow me.

Me: Ok.

Lap dancer leads me to another secluded area of the bar. I sit down on a plush couch. The lap dancer (now topless) sits on my lap.

Lap Dancer: Now, it’s twenty a song. Ok?

Me: (mesmerized)  Yeah no problem.

Song begins. The lap dancer starts to gyrate on my lap. Our eyes meet. She moves in slyly for a kiss then quickly moves a way. My hands are somewhere between her backside and buttocks. She twirls and lets her hair fall over my head. She smiles seductively and thrusts her boobs in my face. I have a mouthful of cleavage. I barely notice the first song is finished and now a new one has started. Again she repeats her sensual moves. She whispers in my ear. Asking me if I find her attractive. Her hands wander near my personal area, but she is careful not to touch. The song ends. She slowly rises from my lap.

Lap Dancer: (in a slight business-like tone) Let’s see, that’s 2 songs. So you owe me $40.

I take 2 crumpled twenties and 1 ten (for a tip) out of my pocket and hand it to her.

Lap Dancer: Awww, thanks so much sugar. You’re so cute. Give my best to the groom.

END SCENE (Please don’t tell your hubbies I said anything)

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19 comments:

  1. i still don't understand the allure of getting a hard on you can't really do much about... just saying. like what's the point of blue balls?

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  2. Hi, good snap & nice blog, i will visit ur blog regularly, i think u should go for this link to increase visitor. BTW keep posting & happy blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My husband tends to be the life of the party at the tittay bars, so he's always invited, no matter the occassion. I've been invited to go along a few times too.

    It's more of a joke to him and his friends and some of their funniest stories are from their "nights out".

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  4. Like Al Bundy once said....AT THE NUDIE BAR!!!!!!!

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  5. I am definitely not going to rant about men taking advantage of these poor girls because they know perfectly well what they are doing. I am, however, going to say that I am fairly disgusted by men that visit these places; especially right before getting married. I will provide all the lap dances my future husband needs where there will always be a happy ending, thank you very much!

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  6. i'm with ally.

    and ms. random.

    i mean single guys, okay i get it.... i get the single guys going, (kind of, not really) buuuuut, whatever. i have to admit, that i wouldn't be okay with jason going to a strip club. i've never been to one. never, not one single time! sick.

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  7. I guess I'm lucky. On occasions the wife likes to go to strip clubs, and she always gets a lap dance. Wanna make her blush? Ask her about the one she got in New Orleans (the good one, not the scary one ;-)

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  8. Umm Ok what is the big deal.. if my man wants to go to a titty bar ( although I have more titties then most of the dancers there) I don't care. loess work for me.. They gethim all worked up and I am the one who gets the prize at the end of that night. Secondly I have gone with him several times. Had my couch dances and lap dances. MOst places do not allow the guys to actually touch th stripper, womenhowever don't always have that samerule.. yeah I got the singed wings from somewhere, this is just a few of the scorch marks

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  9. My husband hasn't been to the strip club since...um...Feb 2009! For his 29th! I was like 5 months pregnant and told him to just GO OUT because he didn't want too. He could still go now but he would rather smack my booty then a stripper he has to pay for. I tell him to go with his friends all the time!

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  10. You know strip clubs never bothered me...

    Let him go, he knows he's not getting better than me.

    What are they going to do???? Be soooo taken with his manly charm (uh huh, sarcasm intended) and fuck him in the back room? Nope.

    Let him go and get off to a stranger with huge tits... Be my guest baby.

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  11. I'll tell ya something that will turn you off these places forever. Maybe.

    I used to work in ophthalmology. One day, we got a dude in with a serious nasty eye infection.

    Chlamydia.

    How? Dirty towel and the stripper's hands all over him.

    Pretty gross, huh?

    Oh - this was at an "upscale" place, too.

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  12. I totally get it. How exciting to be on the "edge" .

    My sportsman has gone multi times but also only with a bachelor party. I think they make him nervous also.

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  13. I gave my wife a lap dance once!

    She is now talking to me again!

    TIME FOR ANOTHER DANCE!!!

    Great post-- I just never got into that...Thankfully--I'd be broke, have Blue Balls and Chlamydia!

    John

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  14. I can see why my man might want to go, since he doesn't see anything like that at home. So, go! Just don't plan on coming home... EVER!

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  15. I think I want to know too what you do for the hard on you now have??? I don't have a problem with these places or my man going...I used to work in one...Not as a dancer...The male strip clubs are a trip...Like an 8th grade talent show...LOL!

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  16. Nice one dude...that takes me back to the good ol' days of the 80's...good times, I can smell it now.

    http://www.apackalipsnow.blogspot.com

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  17. If you had flashed your Walking With Jesus sweet gummy candy at her, she would have known to leave you alone.

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  18. i worked as a dancer in an upscale gentleman's club in houston tx. i was 17 at the time, "luckily for me" the manager overlooked that and falsified documents (for most of the girls). Ask around, this is common. The youngest girl was 14. There were about 20 girls who worked my shift (including the 15 year old). Out of them, maybe 5 weren't sexually abused as children. Including me. Sure, its easy money, and its hard for some women to overcome the feeling of losing the value of their sexuality w/out psychological treatment. Not to mention the clubs all over the damn nation and in the country I'm in now that have girls trafficked in. The passports are stolen, the families are threatened, they are held under a feeling of being turned in to the police. If all that doesn't work they are eventually beaten into submission. So people should go ahead and believe its all girls putting themselves through college (some do, some just say it, the ones who do were sexually abused as children 90 % of the time) next time you are ogling (pick one) a 15 year old, (recently there was a case of a 12 year old in TX), a sex slave , a sexually abused girl...or all 3. I'm not trying to bash anyone, I just wish more people were aware of what they are supporting.

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  19. My husband going to a strip club? No way! I can do the dancing for him but no other woman.

    ReplyDelete

 
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