We are now heading into the “anything goes” portion of the year as far as movies go. Winter blockbuster season is over and the summer biggies don’t come out ‘til May. Oscar contenders would be stupid to release something now for obvious reasons. What you got left are a few big budget films (that missed their release dates), sappy love stories (for V-day), and a bunch of low budget screwball comedies. The last popular movie genre for this time of year is what I like to call the F.U.F. These are the F*CKED UP FILMS (1pt. horror, 1pt. shocker and 98 parts messed up sh*t). One such FUF that’ll be hitting screens soon is a remake of George Romero’s classic twisted tale – THE CRAZIES.
Trailer looks good, but still not sold…yet. Personally, if you want me to be “crap my pants” scared you NEED one of the following...
A KID DIPPED IN FLOUR: The GRUDGE series features one of those psycho, little ghost kids slowly creeping around, then suddenly popping out of stuff. Didn't matter how many times bizarro casper did it, got me every time.
VERY OLD LADY WITH ONE LOOPY LOOKING EYE: She’s got to be a gypsy too, like the one in DRAG ME TO HELL. Oh, and extra fright points if they give her "young person" strength. It doesn’t get much scarier than watching a decrepit, old gipsy with a freaky looking eye make a mad-dash towards the camera. Add a crazy cackle to the mix and I'm done for the night.
BRUNDLEFLY: I can safely say that every incarnation of the FLY (even the Eric Stoltz one) freaked the living %#$% out of me. Though the Jeff Goldblum film still gives me nightmares. Actually, I’ll even take it one step further and say that if you add any type of big bug to the equation I’d be freaked out. Case in point, I was terrified by the bug scene in Peter Jackson’s remake of King Kong (and I was watching it on my ipod nano). It’s just something about how bugs have lots of tiny roving eyes, move lightning fast and need to suck things to eat. EWWW.
Honestly, I was going to do 3 more, but just thinking about this stuff kinda freaks me out. So I'll just end it here so I don’t have to talk about possessed ventriloquist dummies, flying silver balls with blades, and clowns with sh*t eating grins.
Holy shit. The title of this post alone had my dying. "Kid dipped in flour" nearly made me erupt. The very old lady put me over the edge. This is the funniest damn thing I've read in a while.
ReplyDeleteI love how creepy Asian boy meows... that cinched it for me. I watched "The Crazies" and boy it was not bad... very lame title though.
ReplyDelete"The Fly" always grosses me out. I love his little collection of body parts in his medecine cabinet. Like a derranged leper!
I have given you an award... do with it what you will
ReplyDeletehttp://thedomesticationofapartygirl.blogspot.com/2010/02/hey-lookie-there.html
This has to be without a doubt the best post of the year
ReplyDeleteThat kid from The Grudge got me every time too. He was a creepy little bastard. I forgot about that scene from The Fly until you posted that pic. Jeff Goldblum was great in that role, but thoroughly freaked me out.
ReplyDeleteThe one that really does it for me like nothing else is Samara from The Ring. Gage from Pet Sematary is another bad one.
Hey thanks so much. It's nice to know that all the things that make me weep like a little girl have been so well received!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to watch 'The Crazies' just for the title alone!
ReplyDeleteAnd what about dolls that come to life and carry tiny doll knives as soon as your parents shut the door and wish you sweet dreams....
ReplyDeleteI just pissed myself. Happy?
ReplyDelete