Thursday, February 11, 2010


V-Day will be here soon enough. If you are in a long-standing relationship it probably means you’ll be having “the sex” this weekend. Unfortunately, I feel like ladies aren’t just going to be satisfied with the 10 seconds of ecstasy (totally not me). I’m thinking us guys are going to have to put in at least 15 minutes of pure, unadulterated cuddling after the act. You might even have to throw in some “feelings” talk as well.


As far as I’m concerned there are 3 major types of cuddling a couple can engage in. All 3 have their ergonomic advantages and disadvantages. Here’s the romantic rundown of each technique.

CHIN ON CHEST: I’d say this is a more popular move for old people. The main reason is it requires the least twisting and contorting. The classic position is the woman to place her head (chin) on the man’s (exposed or covered) chest. PLEASE NOTE: This position will definitely be a catalyst for deep discussions. Be prepared for lots of raw emotions and reflecting to come out. On the plus side, you really can’t sleep this way. So once 15 minutes are up you can head back to your side of the bed.

BELLY TO BUTT (aka Spooning): Two bodies are joined together like spoons (hence the name). As far as the lead position goes it’s basically unisex. Though I feel like the guy is usually spoon #1. WARNING: While spooning doesn’t promote deep conversation, it will trap you into sleeping in this position the entire night. BIG PLUS: This technique can also be used as a way to initiate “the sex” to a sleeping partner.

THE SUPERMAN 1: Anyone who says this doesn’t count is a %$#^^ liar!!! If you’ve ever seen Superman (the Richard Donner version), you probably remember the romantic flying scene. They play the drippy, sappy tune “Can You Read My Mind” complete with a haunting Margot Kidder monologue. Anyhow, the part of the scene I’m referring to is when Superman and Lois are barely hanging on to each other – just by the tips of the fingers. Well if you flipped S&L over at that exact moment, and stuck 'em in a SLEEPY’S mattress you’d have the position the wife and I use. It counts as cuddling ‘cause you're touching. The big plus here is you’re not intertwined so you can have a good nights rest. Plus, after 20 minutes she should be out like a light so you can reclaim your hand. Win. Win.

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  1. I haven't had a problem with the 'spoon' fact I usually sleep better that way.

  2. Very funny post! I think only the kitties have it right. Actually, the cuddler kitty looks much less comfortable than the 'cuddlee' kitty.


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