Summer is in spitting distance. Which means pretty soon schools will be releasing your precious little ones from their homework-infested lives. Of course that will leave you with 2 choices: let the kids wreak havoc at home OR ship ‘em off to camp.
If it is the latter, keep this in mind – BULLIES GO TO CAMP TOO. And God forbid you get a collect call from your crying little one from Camp Whitchitonoma complaining about some bunk-mate who did the unspeakable to him…you should be prepared.
So to help all you mommy bloggers out there, I offer my crash course in WEDGIES.
The act of lifting an individual’s underwear out of the pants. This torturous prank is usually performed on a weaker male which can cause extreme pain to the buttocks and possibly the genitals.
Wedgie: Occurs as soon as the underwear leaves the confines of the pants.
Atomic Wedgie: When the underwear is pulled out of the pants and placed over the head.
BONUS WEDGIE TERM
Hanging Wedgie*: When the recipient is lifted off the ground as a result of the Wedgie.
*Interesting fact: A kid I went to sleepaway camp used to love to get hanging wedgies.
NEXT UP: SWIRLIES
This may just be the greatest blog post of all time. I think it deserves an award or something. I can't wait for the one on swirlies cuz you may totally outdo yourself.
ReplyDeletedude, wedgies are so gross. i can honestly say i've never been the victim of someone pulling my undies up out my pants.
ReplyDeleteAny personal experiences?
ReplyDeleteThere is a reason why I didn't have boys.
ReplyDeleteThat "kid" loved getting hanging wedgies?
ReplyDeleteGenius! I think you have the start of a great and much needed handbook here...
ReplyDeleteI learned that a front wedgie is called a Melvin. Ever hear of that?
ReplyDeleteI love the Seinfeld episode where George gets a wedgie.
A melvin? Then what's a moose knuckle?
ReplyDelete