I’m just warning you Mr. Gyllenhaal, my curse theory is almost never wrong. I’ve seen it time and time again. Actor (with short hair) hits it big in a film and with the ladies. Then for the follow up (bigger budget) feature the same actor goes the long-haired, mullet-ish route. Of course that second movie TANKS REALLY BAD AT THE BOX OFFICE!!! And not one studio head can figure out why. The answer is simple, it's THE CURSE OF THE MOVIE MULLET!!!!
Q: WHAT DOES A MULLET HAVE TO DO WITH IT?
A: Takes the all-American, clean-cut actor and douche-i-fies him.
DON’T GIVE ME THIS BRAD PITT SH*T.
Legends of the Fall came after Vampire Diaries. Both films Brad had long hair. Doesn’t count.
You can also eliminate all the late 80s/early 90s movies since everyone had Mullets.
MOVIE MULLET CURSE EXAMPLES:
Colin Farrell:
S.W.A.T. (short hair): 207 million worldwide
The New World (mullet): 30 million worldwide
Leonardo DiCaprio:
Titanic (short hair): 1 billion worldwide
The Man In The Iron Mask (mullet): 182 million worldwide
Tom Cruise:
Jerry Maguire (short hair): 273 million worldwide
Magnolia (mullet): 48 million worldwide
Defy me if you dare!!!
I'll defy you! It wasn't the hair, it was the movies.
ReplyDeleteJake could make a bad movie dick licker!
ReplyDeleteHe's so fucking sexy, I'd watch him fucking a guy...
Oh wait, been there done that.
Some guys you'd tie up, tie down no matter what the hell movie they're in.
In the words of Bowling for Soup, "Does a mullet make a man?"
ReplyDeletelove the game, will pass on the flick... Donnie Darko as the Prince of Persia? ummm no
ReplyDeleteWhat a concept...never really have seen this take on the mullet vs short. You may be on to something.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.apackalipsnow.blogspot.com
This mullet theory tickles my funny bone. I just can't get into the idea of a Prince of Persia movie either. The success of the video game franchise has been puzzling enough to me.
ReplyDeleteLiking the idea of the mullet theory but the examples you give aren't really mullets - for true mullet horror, see here: http://www.kingjames.co.za/images/uploaded/Mullet%20man.jpg
ReplyDeleteIdk man, Magnolia is a kick-ass movie. Will your mullet theory work in real life? If a dude asks a chick out with short hair or a mullet will his chances differ?
ReplyDeleteDear BFF Blogger,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100% although I haven't been attracted to Jake since The Good Girl. As soon as a guy gets muscles (or a mullet of course) I run the other way.
Regards,
Mullet and muscle-hating Ally
I was going to say Patrick Swayze, but I can't find a movie where he doesn't have a mullet....
ReplyDeleteWhat about Jim Carrey? And how about Jeff Bridges?
Awww c'mon....are you tellin' me YOU'VE never had a mullet, ever? ;)
ReplyDelete