Monday, May 31, 2010

A SNOBBY NEW YORKER’S GUIDE TO MAKING BATHTUB GIN.


The wife and I were invited to a Memorial Day BBQ yesterday out in Long Island. Of course we couldn’t come empty handed so we brought cupcakes from a Crumbs (NY gourmet bakery). Other people brought fancy cakes, microbrews, and ambrosia (fruit salad for snooty people). Like all decent, NY democrats we discussed finance, world issues, and how sad life is in the red states. We even imagined what a red state BBQ might be like. A party filled with NASCAR paper products, roadkilled critters on the grill, and domestic beers in cans. I looked over at my scrumptious, expensive cupcakes and wondered if they’d be accepted at a Red State BBQ. I assumed no, and that I’d probably have to bring my own version of Bathtub Gin. That's the popular red state wine made of Juniper berries and crap alcohol – mixed in a bathtub. Here’s how my vintage differs.

Ingredients:
- Ceramic bathtub
- Organic fruit wedges (lime, lemon, oranges, etc.)
- 1 bag of shaved ice
- Hennessy Brandy
- 3-4 bottles of 2005 Chateau Cambon la Pelouse (red wine to you red staters)

Instructions:
Have housekeeper clean the tub. Next, add the wine, fruit, and ice. Stir everything while adding 8 shots of brandy. Let the mixture sit for 2 hours. After, bottle your precocious blend in fine Baccarat Crystal. Decorating with a silk, burgundy bow is optional. 
You're welcome.

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10 comments:

  1. I get such a kick out of the Dem/Reb rivalry in the US. Denny Crane of Boston Legal is so into it. This is really cute. Good Job. Rosemary

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  2. Ha---Will you bring cupcakes to my next BBQ? Laughing..sounds like you have fun no matter where you are!! hugs

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  3. I am going to have the housekeeper leave a little Comet in the tub for extra flavor.

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  4. Independents throw the best BBQs cause we're not tied down to snooty or plebeian menus.

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  5. Forget the wine, I'd take a housekeeper!

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  6. You blue staters are so snooty with your fancy cupcakes and ambrosia and your organic bathtub gin...give me a good bottle of MD 20/20, now there's a PARTY!

    http://www.apackalipsnow.blogspot.com

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  7. That little thing stuck between your teeth is a pubic hair...The housekeeper forgot to clean out the tub! Still though...

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  8. Im going to make this but all I have is a metal washing bin, mountain dew, box o' wine and canned peaches.

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  9. Toss all this in a trash can and you get 'trash can punch'!

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  10. That's red wine to you red staters LMAO!!!!!

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