Monday, January 4, 2010


by Nameless Dad (NWM Staff Writer)

I think I performed my first Dutch Oven to my now ex-girlfriend Suzie Holtzman back in the Spring of ’91. We were both juniors in college. I’m pretty sure that incident scarred her for life and sparked the beginning of the end for us.

For those NOT familiar with the term Dutch Oven it is a practical joke that is performed by pulling a bed sheet tightly over you and your partner and then farting. The ultimate goal is to create a smelly enclosed area that must be breathed in. Based on past history I’d recommend attempting ONLY if your relationship is on solid ground


Most people I know have never been successfully been able to perform the perfect D.O. An amateur might look to the improper ability to properly pass gas as the culprit. To me it’s all in the bedding. I recommend using a top sheet for a covering as opposed to a blanket. It tends to bunch up and form gaping holes. The top sheet (preferably flannel) can be made taut and toasty warm in less than 3.8 seconds. Here are my 3 top D.O. bedding choices.

Pinzon 160-Gram Solid Flannel Sheet Set ($39.99 @ Amazon): Expertly made in Portugal with 160g cotton per square meter; machine washable and dryable. Pre-washed and lightly brushed for soft, warm feeling; offered in a wide array of colors.

Solid Flannel Sheets ($14.99 @ JC Penny): 100% brushed cotton flannel is luxuriously soft for all night comfort. Fitted sheet fits mattresses up to 15" thick. From the JCPenney Home Collection. Washable. Imported.

Essential Home Solid Color Flannel Sheet Sets ($26.99 @ Kmart): Sheet set includes flat sheet, fitted sheet and standard pillowcase. 100% Cotton. Machine washable.

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