SOCIETY SAYS YOU CAN’T MAKE LOVE TO SHEEP, BUT I HAVE A PLAN.

Zoophiles (true lovers of animals) have a pretty bum deal in the US of A. Having sex with any animal is illegal in 30 states. The other 20 colonies are working on it. And it doesn't just end with lady justice. Getting caught in this lewd act (with sheep or whatever) would probably get you ostracized from the community. No family. No friends. No job. What is a Zoophile to do? True, they have the internet at their disposal, but that only goes so far. It’s like how us men like online porn, but really love strip clubs. Present company excluded of course. So if you're a Z-person yearning to fulfill similar urges here is a safe (and totally legal) alternative.

Step 1. Go online to sites like WWOOF (World-Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) to sign up to volunteer at a nearby farm.

Step 2. Once on the farm be very helpful. Gradually earn the farmer’s trust and respect.

Step 3. After you’ve been there for a month, convince the farmer to give you a complete tour of the place – specifically the sheep pen.

Step 4. By 2 months the farmer should be ok with you working in the sheep pen by yourself.

Step 5. Also make sure you carefully observe and note the time when the farmer makes his daily trip to town.

Step 6. The next time he leaves, quickly run to the pen to get your mental image (DO NOT TOUCH THE SHEEP AT ALL). After the image is in place, use the bathroom to relieve your urges. Remember to keep the door (or stall) locked and tidy up when finished.

The important thing is you did nothing illegal, but still had a fun and safe day at the farm.