Monday, April 19, 2010

HOW TO PROPERLY FINGER PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY JARS.


I can say with 99% conviction that this handy tip would probably be geared more towards men rather than women. I just get that feeling. Call it a dude’s intuition. And guys, don’t believe for one second that there isn’t an art to this. I’ve fingered the wrong way and have ruined many, many treasured house shirts. But first (before we talk technique), you really have to know…THE PROPER TIME TO FINGER PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY JARS.

To me, there are only 3 appropriate (at home) situations:

  • During a cram session for a big test or while working on a presentation.
  • After a night of binge drinking.
  • Quick "late night" snack on the way to the bathroom.


SO HOW DO I FINGER THE JARS?

Follow these steps correctly and you should have a nice big glob of PB&J to shove in your mouth.

Step 1. Place both opened jars near each other on a flat surface (countertop, coffee table, etc.)

Step 2. Extend both your pointer and middle fingers (do not attempt w/1 finger).

Step 3. Shove both fingers into the peanut butter first. (PB adheres better to the skin, jelly tends to slip).

Step 4. Once fingers are in the jar, sweep them in a counter clockwise motion (for control reasons, make sure glob isn’t too big).

Step 5. Now dip fingers (coated with PB) into the jelly.

Step 6. Since jelly has a difference consistency you must now do a scooping motion with your fingers.

Step 7. Remove fingers from jar and immediately shove into mouth.

Step 8. Enjoy & repeat.


PLEASE NOTE: This same technique can be used with Cheez Whiz and Mayo.


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16 comments:

  1. Yum!!!
    I think I need a pbj sammy right now! I'd use the finger technique on the jars, but my wife would probably divorce me...

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  2. That is freakin great! Unfortunately for my hubs we use organic fresh peanut butter that has to be refrigerated so no impromptu finger dunking here

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  3. You said "fingered" ONE too many times in this. I'll pass it along to my hub...for some reason, I think he'd enjoy this. :)

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  4. BAHAHAHA how you come up with this shit is beyond me

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  5. Great to know the proper technique. I guess I've been doing it wrong for years.

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  6. haha gross! If I saw my husband doing this we would have some words!

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  7. Wow - you really put some research into this.

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  8. Can one substitute toes for this procedure?

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  9. That would be grounds for divorce around here and can you say... contamination!!!

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  10. dude you said fingered. just saying.

    great, now i want a pbj.

    FourthGradeNothing.com

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  11. Fuck me!

    I damn near gagged when you said mayo and cheez whiz!!! Fuuuuuuck!!!!!!!! The thought makes my damn stomach turn upside down then sideways and back again damnit!!!!!

    DEFINITELY do the finger sweep BEFORE going to the bathroom!

    Quick question...

    Does this apply to chunky peanut butter also??? Or strictly smooth?????

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  12. Cheese whiz and mayo? Seriously? I think I may have lost all respect for you. That's nasty!

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  13. Wow, ya know the whole time I read that, I couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities that could have been with that title.

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  14. dammit, I have been using my thumb and pinky this whole time. Thank you for enlightening me on this subject. I can sleep better at night.

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  15. Cheeze Whiz and Mayo? Hmmmm.... Might need to try that.... But doesn't the Whiz come in a spray can?

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