Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Zoophiles (true lovers of animals) have a pretty bum deal in the US of A. Having sex with any animal is illegal in 30 states. The other 20 colonies are working on it. And it doesn't just end with lady justice. Getting caught in this lewd act (with sheep or whatever) would probably get you ostracized from the community. No family. No friends. No job. What is a Zoophile to do? True, they have the internet at their disposal, but that only goes so far. It’s like how us men like online porn, but really love strip clubs. Present company excluded of course. So if you're a Z-person yearning to fulfill similar urges here is a safe (and totally legal) alternative.

Step 1. Go online to sites like WWOOF (World-Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) to sign up to volunteer at a nearby farm.

Step 2. Once on the farm be very helpful. Gradually earn the farmer’s trust and respect.

Step 3. After you’ve been there for a month, convince the farmer to give you a complete tour of the place – specifically the sheep pen.

Step 4. By 2 months the farmer should be ok with you working in the sheep pen by yourself.

Step 5. Also make sure you carefully observe and note the time when the farmer makes his daily trip to town.

Step 6. The next time he leaves, quickly run to the pen to get your mental image (DO NOT TOUCH THE SHEEP AT ALL). After the image is in place, use the bathroom to relieve your urges. Remember to keep the door (or stall) locked and tidy up when finished.

The important thing is you did nothing illegal, but still had a fun and safe day at the farm.

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  1. The titles of these posts are fucking brilliant yo. The stick figure drawings are even better. Bravo.

  2. I'm so mad that Ian beat me to the comment-punch because I was going to say... "These stick figz are going to get Ian all hot and bothered" knowing how much he loves them. They are really cool though. Envious of your art and copy abilities. as you know.

  3. This is some of the funniest stuff I have ever read! I have tears rolling from laughter! Those stick figures are priceless!

  4. You are the KING of stick figure drawings! Really!

  5. I agree with Ian, the stick figures make an already awesome blog like 10x better!

  6. That's just not right... the sheep is drawn so sweet looking and it's for such a perverse thing... lol

    Sick and extremely funny.

  7. I need those pics framed and in my home.

  8. Setting: A NewZealander working on an Aussie's farm.
    See Steps 1-5 above.
    Farmer: I told you to shear the sheep, not shag them!
    Kiwi: I ain't shearing these with anyone!

  9. I was a little worried where that was going. You are not allowed to be alone with my sheep. Bad

  10. Ok, this post leads to completely ... wait a sec, the cartooned dude didn't do anything in the end... so why he went to farm anyway.
    He could stay home and wank on a darn pc... LOL


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