Thursday, March 11, 2010

BUFFET GEAR MY GREAT AUNT GERT WOULD’VE LOVED (GOD REST HER SOUL).

The woman could “buffet” like nobody’s business. Yes, I know I used "buffet" as an action verb – In Gert’s case, totally apropriate. Sadly she left this planet all too soon. I think it was ’83. By that time I had only witnessed her buffet artistry on 4 or 5 family occasions (2 Bar Mitzvahs, a brunch or three and a wedding).

First thing Gert would do is scope out the entire table like a hawk. Guaranteed if you asked her about the event she wouldn’t be able to remember one guest. Though she’d name the f*ck out of every morsel of food (right down to the smoked sable with minced onions). Next, she’d go to work picking and choosing. Sheer poetry in motion to watch. I never saw the woman leave a buffet wanting more. Before Gert departed she left had me with these 4 life lessons.

  • Hit the meat carving station before anything else.
  • Rolls are for suckers.
  • Tip the omelet guy a fin and he’ll toss in some lox.
  • Always, always have a healthy supply of mints or gum in your purse.

Sad to think how much Gert’s buffet skills would’ve been enhanced had these technological advancements been around.

DYNAREX HEAVY-DUTY LATEX GLOVES ($8.99 @ Amazon)

  • Powder free to prevent the contaminating of Swedish meatballs when sampling.
  • Made from durable material to protect against the hottest of tray covers.
  • Maintains tactile sensitivity so you can still skillfully spread a schmear of cream cheese.
  • 100 gloves per box (good for 22 family functions).


BAMBOO® COLLAPSIBLE TRAVEL BOWL ($6.99 @ Jefferspet.com)

  • Folds down to less than ½” to easily hide within a dress coat.
  • Transforms into a sizable travel container to store buffet food for later.
  • Made of durable silicone.
  • Keeps hot noodle pudding warm for up to 22 minutes.


PROGRESSIVE 9 INCH SILICONE GRIPPER TONGS ($10.08 @ Amazon)

  • Perfect size to grasp hard-to-reach broiled fish entrees.
  • Insulated grip to protect from overheating.
  • Dishwasher safe for repeat performances.
  • Sturdy design to handle the largest of meatloaf slices.


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8 comments:

  1. After reading this I am oddly hungry, want to make the latex snap sound and fulling up some travel bowls for dinner.

    My Thoughts

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw man! I was going to skip lunch today! But now I have to go to a buffet!

    What is this hot noodle pudding you speak of?

    I Think It's Interesting

    ReplyDelete
  3. I will get some extra chow mein in Gert's honor....

    ReplyDelete
  4. I need those bowls!!!! I love then mention of the mints... my bubbie always had an array of Brachs candies and Certs in her pocket book!
    Love this post!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My Aunt, mother of 8, with a gazillion grands and greats, could use the heck out of all of these items!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's awesome! I like the collapsible bowls! When I was a little kid my parents would take us to this buffet place in Florida called Mortons. I'd load up on fried chicken, mashed potatoes and mac and cheese. Yeah, I was always a big eater.

    PS That buffet looks like Indian food..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Um, are they feeding you dog food in that collapsible bowl?

    ReplyDelete

 
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